Remission

We live our lives waiting on moments that take our breath.  For me the first time I heard my son say Daddy.  I had to great pleasure of watching my adopted sister when she heard Jax Ellis said DeDe.  The same for when her husband when it was Poppy, those moments when a single word can move you to tears.

I wasn't there but for a dear friend of mine this week it must have been even sweeter than the above examples.  You see her daughter has been diagnosed with acute Leukemia.  It was a very sudden diagnoses and one that require very radical treatment.  The family banded together and she moved to be with her daughter to watch her daughter’s daughters!!! She kept us informed as we all start a pray train for this wonderful young woman that few of us had ever meet, but knew her sweet mother.  Well the good Lord found it in his plan to allow my friend to hear this last week that the treatments had been effective and her daughter was in, remission. Can you only imagine the emotion that when through her heart.  To see the daughter that you had wiped her nose and mouth changed those thousand diapers.  Cried over when she as late and didn’t call. The daughter see has seen marry, and have her grandchildren.  The daughter whom she had shared the hugs and kisses of a hundred reunions, was suddenly and thankfully in remission.  I am moved to tears even as I type this.  I can’t imagine living the experience my friend has lived the last few months.  What joy must they have both felt.  Her daughter a strong willed young woman as is her mother, has been confident and sure of this since the beginning.  I could not be happier for all of them.  As I understand it is not over, but the remission makes the maintenance of the disease easier to treat and monitor.

As I write this I can only imagine the raw emotion of that moment.  It has to be the best moment they have spent together.  I know if I heard those words about someone who meant the world to me it would.  May we never have to walk that road, and if we do may you and I have the strength and willpower of my friend and her wonderful daughter.

Call your kids right now and tell them you love them, there but for the will of God go I!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Anniversary

Anniversary, what a term it can be many things to many people.  For me today it is a very mixed emotion.  You see two years ago today one of the sweetest humans ever to walk this planet when to heaven.  My Mother-in-Law, Bobbie.  There have been many posts about our time together when she lived with us.  Sweet, loving honest, god fearing a better example of the Christian life you would be challenged to find.

With it being 9/11 it also makes it even harder on my lovely wife.  All of the references to the date bring back that early morning call from the hospital to get there fast as Bobbie had taken a turn for the worst.  I can remember the frantic rush of my wife, her son, and his daughters to get there.  Their efforts were rewarded as they were all there when Bobbie made the change from this world to the one with no pain and sadness.  Holding her Mother’s hand my wife actually guided Bobbie to a place she lived her entire life to see.  If you believe like me, what a sight that must have been to see it for the first time the pearly gates, the friends and family to welcome you home.  The tears of joy, the songs of pure celebration for the newest arrival Ms. Bobbie, who had a seat on the front row, right up there with my Granny and my Mother.   I can imagine my mother now hugging Bobbie and telling her how happy she is to see her.  They loved one another so much on the rare occasions they saw each other it was pure joy to see them interact. What a homecoming for a lady with all those brothers and sisters she used to tell me about.  The crowd must have been huge.  But I have said these things before.

Today as I look back on these two years since we have only had her in spirit I realize that she has never left us.  The random penny we find in an airport.  Bobbie loved coins and she leaves them all over for us as a sign she is with us.  The calmness that I sometime experience when I am at my lowest suddenly I will think about her and one of my favorite things she did.  My, My!!  I can hear her like she was sitting at the table.  My, My all of this fuss over such a small thing!! I sure miss my,  My, My’s.

Well as I know the place in my heart that was Bobbie’s to fill is still full to overflowing I know she is still out there actively making sure my wife and I are happy and loving towards each other and to others as she was.  Thank you Bobbie for all you gave me, the lesson learned, the history you witnessed and passed to me, the love and sweetness you tried to pass along.  The laughs that came at just the right moment, and the peace you taught me that sometimes you just have to turn it over to the universe and let the higher power handle it.

My, My  the things I learned!!!!!

Peace,

The Blessed man

Father's Day Epilog

Well as my Mother used to say “Blow me over with a feather!”

As I was out yesterday doing what this Dad really wanted to do, play golf, my phone rings.

Yes sir, it was my young son.  In his best morning voice he says happy father’s day!  I almost fainted.  Never mind it 2:30 in the afternoon but I didn’t care, he called.  Shocked and in disbelief I told him thanks and that I loved him.  He returned the kindness and hung up.  Now I have been a Dad for 23 years.  This is the first unprompted call or recognition I have ever receives in those 23 years.  As I returned to my golf game I was amazed he actually called.  I know his Mom didn’t remind him due to his morning voice, he hadn’t talked to her.  Maybe his roommate called his dad and he figured he would call me?  What do I know what he feels or how he acts.  I was just shocked he called.

What a start maybe he has turned the corner maybe we will have a relationship.  At the very least I have a phone call to hold onto for now.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Father's Day

Well here we are again the day I am not sure exactly how to feel.  I feel a hole in my heart because I miss my Dad.  I also feel a hole in my head because I feel like I have failed my son so badly.  But that will only be determined at the end of my son’s life I guess.  I truly feel like I have had no influence on him at all.  Time will only tell.

However there is a story to be told here.  I have just spent a week with my adopted sisters Grand Son, Jax Ellis.  What a kid!  He is funny and now is two.  We all know what two means it’s just another word for NO!  What a pleasure it was on the first day to watch his father my sister’s second oldest son.  His loving ways were so apparent with young Jax it’s so wonderful to see.  But then you think about his mentor and father and you know there was no way he could be anything but the best day ever.  You see his father, my sister’s husband of 30+ years, is one of the most dedicated dads of all time.  He loves his kids and will do just about anything to make sure they learn the correct lessons in life.  He is so talented at knowing exactly when to give in and exactly when to stand his ground.  All of his children simply adore him, as do I.  As we say in the south this apple didn’t fall from the tree.  Jax’s dad is one great guy.  Jax will be a smarter better young man because of the family he was born into.  As I posted when young Jax was born he has been blessed beyond anything he could have wished for.

This is the first Father’s day where 2 of these families’ sons have kids of their own.  It has been such a pleasure to watch these young people turn into great young adults and parent as they start their lives as parent.  Each having parents that have taught them values and important lessons that they will be passing along to their young ones.  I guess I will live through them watching and enjoying their young ones every chance I get.  I was just about blown away last week when young Jax came running over to me and jumped up in my lap.  Something no child has ever done in my life!  I was so taken aback by his actions. I can’t describe the feeling for just a second I was able to understand how my adopted sister must feel every time she is in the room with her grandbabies.  The pure emotion and unconditional love that little boy in my lap was giving to me at that moment was like nothing I have ever known.  Warmth I know every grandparent must feel.  It was special to say the least. Thanks Jax for giving this old man a moment to get it and finally understand a little bit of the grandparent thing.  Now I have two granddaughters that I love dearly.  They are older and much more independent.  They are sweet and fun to be with.  They are much closer to their Mimi than to me and that’s cool I still enjoy watching my wife and the girls dance and sing and act the same age. I have become closer to them through things and events of late that are another post altogether.  I am hoping they are coming for a visit sooner rather than later.

So I am still confused about this day.  I remember looking forward to this day when I was young because we allowed my Dad to kinda do his thing on this day.  More likely than not he worked but my Mom would always cook his favorite meal us, the kids, were always on our best behavior because this was Dads day and a day we thanked him for all of his sacrifices he made every day of his life for us.  I sure wish he was here to let me thank him one more time and to try to figure out where I when wrong in a department in which I had such a good teacher. 

I guess I need to count my blessing here and not look at the bad.  I have 2 great grand kids.  I am blessed to have 3 others I will adopt like I did my sister.  And how can that be a bad thing?  If your Dad is here call him, hug him, and tell him how important he is to you.  I can’t tell you how it feels to have those feelings and not be able to pass them onto the person who makes them happen in your heart. 

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Ten Years

WOW my how times flies when you’re having fun.  I have heard that a thousand times in my life but never really had a true sense of it until this week.  You see 10 years ago the greatest thing happened to me.   I married my sweet angel from heaven above.  Now let me make this clear it was after a nine year chase!! I have never had a partner like her, always there in good times and bad.  I am very blessed that the bad times seem to fade very quickly and the good times seem to never end.  We have seen a lot in our 19 years together. We have seen the marriage and divorce of her son, the birth of her two wonderful granddaughters.  Two Career changes for me. The trials and tribulations of my young son and the constant turmoil he brought to our home.  We have built two houses.  Move into another 2 more and through it all we have stayed together.  There is a lot to be said about that.  My son tried his best to separate us and almost succeeded but in the end our love for each other helped us to weather that storm. 

I can still remember the very first time I saw her; she was wearing a green madras plaid shirt and white jeans.  Looking like a million dollars.  I had no clue who she was I just know that deep in my heart something when pop that had never been awaken before, and I have never been the same.   I am not sure she knows it but there are times when I look at her and that pop happens again.  No one has ever affected me in this way before or since.  I hear people talk about Soulmates I truly have one.  It’s a feeling every human being should know.  There is a love you read about called Agape love this is the love I have for her.  The kind of love that if she were gone I would have a whole in my being so gaping it would be visible from space.  Some people may tell you that no one should have that kind of effect on anyone.  Are they ever wrong.  These are the people that have never had the feeling I am sure of it.

Well as we head into the next ten years I can’t wait.  I know some of the things waiting.  Retirement for me.  Then we will be together all the time and I think that will be cool.  Friends being reunited and coming together.  When our Memphis family gets down here the band will be back together and then my life will be a dream come true.  Good health for us all.  I have changed my lifestyle in an attempt to make sure I am here for many years to come.  As I often say “I want the last check to bounce!!!”

Well here’s to another 10 just like this ten my sweet angel.  You are one of the main reasons I am The Blessed Man 

Peace,

The Blessed Man

New Year 2013

WOW! Where does the time go?  It seems like a month ago I was ringing in 2012.  I can remember my Dad telling me the older you get the faster times flies and man was he correct.

What was 2012 for you?  Was it great, sad, happy, crazy or all of the above?  As I look back it was a year of change.  I left my secure job of 17 years and moved to another city.  That is scary if you have never done it.  I left some of the most important people in my life behind.  Even scarier.  I have branched out on my own for the first time as well.  Scarier still.  And during every phase of this the one rock I have had to hold onto is my darling wife.  She has been there at every turn with nothing but support and unconditional love for me and our situations.

2012 also brought a slight peace to me about my son.  If you have read one post here more than likely it had something to do with him.  Well in 2012 I decided I had done all I can do.  If he doesn’t want me in his life then he gets what he wants.  I can’t imagine my life without my Father during the years he is living right now.  My dad was a wealth of information and advice that kept me from even more pain and suffering than I brought on myself.  However as much as I try my son will do whatever in his power to make sure he defies anything I stand for or suggest.  So I have removed myself from his world and allowed him to do and be whatever it is he wants.  Hard?  You bet.  Necessary?  Absolutely…

2012 took me away from my Memphis family.  This was the hardest thing I have ever done and am still battling it every day.  These people have taken me in and supported me loved me made me a part of something that was so much bigger than anything I have ever been a part of.  My Adopted Sister whom I speak of often in this blog is my greatest lost.  You never understand how much someone means to you until that person is gone.  I find myself reaching for the phone to call her or thinking about dinner plans with them only to realize the harsh reality that they aren’t here.  I can’t tell you how much I miss our dinners, birthday parties, or impromptu togethers, the fake arguments, the always picking at her that I do.  It was a huge part of my life and I never realized how important that was to my happiness and sanity.  Let it be known I miss her madly.

2012 brought new members as well babies Eden and Jade were born to the most loving family I have ever seen.  They will be loved and cared for unlike any other children I know.

2012 also brought a new frame of mind for me as well I think.  As I get closer to the retirement stage of my life I always thought I would be fearful or getting older. Even as we speak now I have just returned from the doctor’s office which I go to now with greater regularity than ever.  Yet I am unafraid and understand you can’t live like I have for 58 years and not need a tune up every now and then.

So what will 2013 bring?

For me only happiness is allowed in 2013.  I was once told the only thing you can pick is your attitude.  In 2013 I choose only a good one.  I pledge to be a kinder gentler Blessed Man this year.  I also choose to be a better husband to the woman who put up with all of my trails in 2012.  I also choose to be a better adopted brother and not fight so much with my older sister!!!!  Even if she is really younger…..I also choose to allow my son the room to be himself even if I can’t stand the thought of it.  And lastly I choose to live every day to the fullest taking time to smell the roses.  I will go through 2013 like a dog with its head out the window.  Face in the wind and wildly happy.  So roll down that window I am getting in your lap and we are going on a 12 month drive 2013…

May 2013 see the answer to any of your problems solved.  May it bring you peace and happiness to your heart.  Here’s to a wonderful 2013 for us all, after all we weren’t even supposed to be here according to the Mayan’s….

Peace,

The Blessed Man