Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day

Well here we are again the day I am not sure exactly how to feel.  I feel a hole in my heart because I miss my Dad.  I also feel a hole in my head because I feel like I have failed my son so badly.  But that will only be determined at the end of my son’s life I guess.  I truly feel like I have had no influence on him at all.  Time will only tell.

However there is a story to be told here.  I have just spent a week with my adopted sisters Grand Son, Jax Ellis.  What a kid!  He is funny and now is two.  We all know what two means it’s just another word for NO!  What a pleasure it was on the first day to watch his father my sister’s second oldest son.  His loving ways were so apparent with young Jax it’s so wonderful to see.  But then you think about his mentor and father and you know there was no way he could be anything but the best day ever.  You see his father, my sister’s husband of 30+ years, is one of the most dedicated dads of all time.  He loves his kids and will do just about anything to make sure they learn the correct lessons in life.  He is so talented at knowing exactly when to give in and exactly when to stand his ground.  All of his children simply adore him, as do I.  As we say in the south this apple didn’t fall from the tree.  Jax’s dad is one great guy.  Jax will be a smarter better young man because of the family he was born into.  As I posted when young Jax was born he has been blessed beyond anything he could have wished for.

This is the first Father’s day where 2 of these families’ sons have kids of their own.  It has been such a pleasure to watch these young people turn into great young adults and parent as they start their lives as parent.  Each having parents that have taught them values and important lessons that they will be passing along to their young ones.  I guess I will live through them watching and enjoying their young ones every chance I get.  I was just about blown away last week when young Jax came running over to me and jumped up in my lap.  Something no child has ever done in my life!  I was so taken aback by his actions. I can’t describe the feeling for just a second I was able to understand how my adopted sister must feel every time she is in the room with her grandbabies.  The pure emotion and unconditional love that little boy in my lap was giving to me at that moment was like nothing I have ever known.  Warmth I know every grandparent must feel.  It was special to say the least. Thanks Jax for giving this old man a moment to get it and finally understand a little bit of the grandparent thing.  Now I have two granddaughters that I love dearly.  They are older and much more independent.  They are sweet and fun to be with.  They are much closer to their Mimi than to me and that’s cool I still enjoy watching my wife and the girls dance and sing and act the same age. I have become closer to them through things and events of late that are another post altogether.  I am hoping they are coming for a visit sooner rather than later.

So I am still confused about this day.  I remember looking forward to this day when I was young because we allowed my Dad to kinda do his thing on this day.  More likely than not he worked but my Mom would always cook his favorite meal us, the kids, were always on our best behavior because this was Dads day and a day we thanked him for all of his sacrifices he made every day of his life for us.  I sure wish he was here to let me thank him one more time and to try to figure out where I when wrong in a department in which I had such a good teacher. 

I guess I need to count my blessing here and not look at the bad.  I have 2 great grand kids.  I am blessed to have 3 others I will adopt like I did my sister.  And how can that be a bad thing?  If your Dad is here call him, hug him, and tell him how important he is to you.  I can’t tell you how it feels to have those feelings and not be able to pass them onto the person who makes them happen in your heart. 


The Blessed Man

1 comment:

  1. This was yet another precious glimpse into your heart and thoughts. I love you more and more every day. You are my blessing. Happy anniversary, sweetheart. I'm looking forward to many many more lifetimes with you.