Crazy

If anyone were to be reading this blog they would know I am very vague and completely anonymous about all people events and things that are written here. Well I did something yesterday that makes me think I have truly lost my mind. I actually gave this address to someone!! That’s means that now there is a possibility someone might actually read what is written here! What was I thinking? It was a moment of complete and utter insanity.

OK, here is how it happened. I got an email from this friend and it had a blog she is writing about her experiences running her businesses. I read the posts and laughed out loud. She has always had a brilliant sense of humor and was a part of the “in crowd” in high School. Very pretty, smart, and funny what a combination back in whatever years it was I was in school with her. Well she has not only matured into an even prettier, and funny person she has a wonderful Husband and family and what appears to be plenty of material for her blog. She writes, as I do, under a false name. She came up with in a hilarious way. Her daughter told her she couldn’t write under her real name so she had to use her “stripper name”!! My friend when on to explain how you get you stripper name by using the name of your first dog and the street you grew up on. Well if I were to become a stripper I would make a dime my name would be Migg Buxton!! What picture do you have? Did you throw up in your mouth a little? I know I did. Well hers is really funny but will not be revealed here as a simply Google search would reveal her blog and possibly her location and from there it could snowball I well I would never!!

So I wonder if the posts will change since now there is a possibility someone might read them? More than likely not I can’t imagine anyone having any interest about my thoughts and feelings anyway.

Well my dear if you really come here to see what I write this one is for you. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy my feelings and rants as they are all intertwined. Like I told you in the email I can’t spell and punctuation is completely out of my realm. So here it is my first exposure.

You think anyone would read a blog named

Random thoughts of Mig Buxton? I think not !!!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man
(aka Migg Buxton!!!)

57

Yesterday I turned 57. If you would have asked me forty years ago I would have told you I would have never made it this far! I would have also taken much better care of myself had I been privy to that little tidbit of information. But I think the most shocking thing yesterday brought was that I have now lived longer than my father. As I worked yesterday that was something I continually thought about. My father was different than me in a lot of ways. I think he was a wonderful Dad; me not so much. He was the most loving husband the world has ever known; me trying hard and appreciating the lessons he passed down to me on how to treat your partner. Him totally selfless in all regards; me struggling at every turn to display this lesson. He always wanted to be the first one to die; me not at all. I can remember him telling my mother he was going to die first. My mother, of course, saying she was very uncomfortable with those thoughts and wanting them to go together in the rapture! I on the other hand want to live as long as I can take care of myself and not be a burden on my family.

Last night my sister, I am going to stop putting the adopted part on here, cooked dinner for me. I know my real sister, who lives in Alaska would have done the same if able. However, my Memphis sister didn’t have to and did. And not only did she cook she also had my closest friends there. We eat together 3 night a week so it’s not like all of us haven’t been there this week, but she took it to another level last night. And what really made it special was she got the group involved. She made the appetizers and the first two courses and one of our other dear friends made the entrée and dessert. All of the dishes were made with my special diet in mind and all were so wonderful. You could actually taste the love it took to prepare each thing. It was the dominate taste if you ask me. How blessed can one man be. As the wife and I were driving home we were talking about the how blessed we are to be a part of such a special group of people. It seems the group is always in transition. With the addition of Grandbabies, New Husband, New girlfriends and ever changing views on life yet something still holds us all together. And what is so special about it is that the binds are loose, nothing or no one every holding on to tight, except for me most of the time. I Love my peeps, as they say these days.

I never dreamed, as a young man, when I was 57 years old I would have people like this in my life. I remember back and my parents had no one who or no group of supporters like I have. They had really no one but each other, my father working sometimes three jobs, my mother doing a balancing act with the budgets and bills. It was like they never had time for friends. They were too busy trying to take care of us and making sure we were raised correctly. Maybe that in lies my problem with my son, but that’s another issue all together.

So as I enter the most exciting time of my life and what I truly believe will be the most fun I am so thrilled I have friends and family to take along. So come on group here we go. Gather around and pack your bags it’s going to be one fun ride. And I can’t imagine what life would be like without all of you, and I promise I never will!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Archive

In this age of computers and electronic filing I find myself always going to my archived things looking for that email that proves something to me or to the powers that be. What did we do before all of this ability to archive everything? How did we preserve the pass for recall when needed? Well I am happy and really blown away because I now know how it was done.

My lovely wife, for a number of years has been really patience and forgiving where my disaster of a closet has been concerned. She has always dropped those little hints like “you would have a lot more room in here if you organized this just a little bit”. Me always saying “you are right angel I will get on that over the weekend”. Well this past weekend was the weekend. I have been in a funk for well over two months and really can’t say why. I have talked to friends, pastors, and the wife and just can’t find the motivating idea or action to make me simply get up and do something productive. I have a deep seeded feeling I know what it is but am not man enough to face it in this post so it will have to wait a bit. So I arose last Saturday and made the announcement I was going to do something productive. The wife smiled and said those lovely words “how nice” if you know the joke you know what I am saying!!!!

So I got up and started the, what looked, insurmountable task of organizing my closet. Well out came all of the clothes. I found about 20 tee shirts I had no idea I had. Found probably 3 different sizes of pants. More shoes than ANY man should own, and belts that must have belonged to the house previous owners as I have never been that small. Then in the deepest darkest corner of this now open space I saw two boxes. Taped and sealed stacked neatly sitting on top of each other not having been moved in no telling how long. As I picked them up I couldn’t imagine what was so important that I had boxed them up and put them in this strange and unfindable location. The back of MY closet!

Well as I opened the fist box and looked inside a rush of emotion came over me like the way you felt when you father would drive over that one hill on the way home, that one that when he topped it and let of the gas always put your stomach in your throat. There before me was my life. The first box had pictures from my first weeding. Well over 35 years ago. My best man still my best friend to this day. He and I both were about 75 pounds lighter and hair we won’t even go there. There were picture of me and my father I didn’t even know existed. Pictures of all of my grandparents, uncles, aunts, my sisters when they were very small; Pictures of my Mother and all of the family, the houses we lived in, the Christmases, the Thanksgivings, the sisters going off to the prom, unreal archives of mine and my families past. I sat there looking at the pictures of a vacation I took with 3 buddies where we played 36 holes of golf a day for 5 days in a row. Pictures of the two girls, who were best friends, which my best friend and I dated at the same time, the one I married and he didn’t. I sat down and for over an hour I lived in the past. Called my best friend told him what I had found and set a lunch date to look at my new found treasure. Called my first wife told her what I had found and listened to her voice crack and break when I told her I had a picture of my father in the robe she had made him one year for Christmas and she was sitting on the arm of the chair beside him. Hearing her go silent when I told her I had picture of her now pasted grandparents and even of her father and mother when we first got married and went on that honeymoon with them! We laughed and enjoyed the moment together. Then came the hammer, I opened the second box.

This box it seems came from my mother. It contained all of the things from my childhood, clothes, books made in kindergarten, class pictures from every grade first through eighth I think. School picture of all of my sisters, a copy of my uncles first flight certificate she had decapouged; back when that was her thing to do and everything got mounted!! Then under this stack of cards and towards the bottom of the box I found the two things that took my breath. When I was about 9 years old I gave my mother a small figurine It was a small man holding his arms as far apart as possible and the caption on the base read “I Love You This Much” my mother treasured this thing. From the second I gave it to her it was always on display in her kitchen. We always mimicked the pose and say to each other “I love you this much.” I started to cry as I am now as I am almost over whelmed at how much I miss her and still “love her this much”!! Then as if by some guided hand I moved the last piece of crumpled up paper a report card file and there it was. My Mother’s Bible, I also gave her this. I opened it up and read the caption I wrote all of those years ago. Trying to relieve her of any responsibility of the bad in my life by telling her she raised me knowing right from wrong and whenever I did wrong it was my fault not hers! Then as I turned the pages in what was a well used bible I began to read the questions and statements from a life time of trying to get it right. Almost every page had a comment or an underlined passage. I do not know what I treasure more now. I realized I had been sitting for over 2 hours looking over my archive. What a life. I just haven’t been blessed lately I have always been blessed. And here was the archived proof. Just like the emails that save me today here was proof I have lived and incredible life. If I dyed tonight I have lived more than most people ever get to, Blessed Man.

So it is my hope for you that once in your life you find your archive. And have the unimaginable pleasure of reviewing it and feeling like I felt today. And I hope you can reach out to someone in that box and tell them how much they have meant to you during your life. I got to do that as well. What a feeling!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Unexpected

We have all been to our friends children’s weddings. We all sit around and talk about how glad we are that we are not picking up the tabs. How we have all changed. How quickly the kids are growing up. How beautiful the bride is. How handsome the groom is and what wonderful parents they will make. It is normally a very routine evening with family and friends. Then there is the unexpected!

Last night my pretend sister’s daughter got married. We have been a part of the planning process of this grand event for months. Mainly as support staff or the people who say “everything will be perfect”, or “That’s a great idea”, or “Wow I would have never thought of that” stand point. From the dress to the hair it has been an experience to be long remembered.

The groom a young man whose has made these pages before. A stand up guy if ever there has been one who will be a loving husband and good provider for the rest of his life with my adopted niece. This ceremony started as normal as any I have ever attended the gathering of friends meeting and catching up on everyone’s goings on. The trying to remember which side was the brides. The chamber music the beautiful church and flowers, just normal as all of the others I have ever attended. As the mothers were seated something changed. As I watched my pretend sister being seated by her husband, one of my best friends, I had a rush of emotion come over me like I had never had before. It was suddenly like I was evolved in this process from a deeper place. Watching as each brother of the bride and son of my friends entered the sanctuary everything began to really mean something to me. And then when the bride walked down the aisle she was the most beautiful thing I think I have ever seen. It was like I now know what it must be like to see your child walk down the aisle. The bride’s father beaming with pride her Mother smiling with a look on her face that must be what angels look like when they welcome you into heaven the look of total an absolute love and joy. As I stood there as they passed I was totally caught up in the moment. The emotion that ran through me was one with which I am not familiar a feeling of happiness and love as if this were someone who belonged to me! Standing there with what had to be a dumbfounded look on my face I am very happy no one saw.

As the couple moved through the ceremony the feeling simply would not be tamed. I was totally caught off guard. As they turned to face each other and the vows were exchanged I found myself doing something I have never done in my live. I had to wipe tears off my cheek!! Here I sit crying as if I had a player in this game. What was happening to me? I was totally surprised and confused. As I tried to gather myself I got a little lost in the moment and if the truth be known I think I enjoyed it!!

At the reception I had found myself and was going to tell my pretend sister about what happened as I started the story it happened again and I barely got through the story!! What a wimp!!

The reception was a blast I have never, in all of my experience, seen a couple more available to the attendee’s of the reception. The bride and groom danced with all who were there and there were numerous very special moments both funny and touching. As the wife and I watched them leave in the limo I suddenly knew this was a very special night for me as well. This was the night that I experienced the closest thing to a daughter I will ever have got married. And how cool was this that I didn’t have to pay a dime and got all of the feelings as if I were a part! Talk about blessed once again I was treated better than I deserve! So now not only do I have an adopted sister I have an adopted daughter!!!

So my angel I can only hope your life is as blessed as mine and that along your road you get to share your life with people exactly like you and your family! To know the feeling I got to share in last night. To be a part of something which is much bigger than the whole. To know what joy and love feel like so deep in your heart that you really didn’t know that place existed. Thank you my darling for showing me that place last night. I have always heard that there are numerous places in your heart, a place for your Mom, a place for your Dad, and a place for your spouse. We last night I got to know a place I really thought I would never know. The place that belongs to a daughter and for that I will be forever blessed! So for those of you with daughters be thankful for this special place. For those of you who do not have them I pray for you that once in your life you get to feel what I did last night.

So I now wish each of you peace and grace. My we all never lose sight of the important things in life. That would be, in my case, family, friends and crying at weddings!!!

Peace

The Blessed Man