Christmas 2010

Well as I write this Christmas is a short 4 days away. As I often do I went back and read a couple of the older Christmas posts and remember fondly where I was in that part of my life. Hard to believe this is the third year of this thing!

Christmas this year will be different like they are every year I guess. This year we have a couple of new members of the family. We have little Jax Ellis, and we have the soon to be son-in-law! You remember him from the post about how he treat his Mother is how he treats his soon to be wife. Spoils her mercilessly, much like her Father!! We have the soon to be daughter- in- law, she is so special, you will remember her from the proposal post.

We are all a year older. Wiser is still out for consideration. As I reflect on this past year and look to 2011 what hits me now is how no matter how much you want it to life moves on. Just like a might river nothing really can stop it. Whenever it hits to banks or obstacles it simply erodes them away or chooses a path around them always marching to the open waters of the delta. Life is like that, it simply marches on to our ultimate fate. What counts is making sure you are not trying to change the course at every turn. This is a lesson I hope I have learned in the closing part of this year. My son and I have gone through a drastic change. I have finally gotten out of his business and into minding my own. I cannot, and will not, be responsible for his bad choices. I will be there to tell him “sucks to be you” and listen to him plan his strategies trying to get out of whatever he has gotten himself into. It really seems to be working as we now speak only briefly on the phone and it’s “how are you”, “I’m Fine” “Cool” “What are you doing for dinner” and things like that. No more weeping and gnashing of teeth over every single phone call. I think this is going to make a huge difference in my health as well. He was starting to make me crazy.

My sweet wife and her mother are living their final days out together. What a blessing to be able to stay with the person who started you out in life and guided you along during your early years. My wife thanks me every day for allowing this to happen. What she doesn’t understand I think is how committed I am to making sure she is with her till the very end. If I had to go get 2 more jobs like my Dad did she will not work again as long as her mom is with us. They both deserve at the very least that.

So as this Christmas season comes and goes I have a simple pray that we each can just allow the river to flow. Always knowing that the keeper of the river will never let the water get over our heads. We might get a little water in our mouths and eyes, might even go under, but never for the third time. So enjoy your family and friends during this special time of year. I know I am.

Merry Christmas

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Unafraid

What a term. How wonderful would it be if we could live everyday of our lives unafraid? Never fearing any of the bad things that come our way and always feeling we were going to be taken care of. This is the feeling my precious Mother in Law has every day. In the last 2 weeks she has digressed a great deal. She no longer knows where she is how she got here or even where the bathrooms are in our house. She has lived here for over a year and a half. I sat at the table today as she asked my wife. What is the building? How did we get here? Why are we here? Do I have any family here? My wife with the patience of a saint answered every question with the love only a daughter can possess. Five minutes later the entire scene is repeated. With the voice only god can give one my wife answered the questions again. Then she asked her mother the most important question I have ever heard. She said does it scare you that you can’t remember anything. Her Mother thought a minute and then said no not really. Unafraid!

Later that night we are in the kitchen and my wife is expressing her concern we talked about how and what it must feel like to not know anything. My Mother in law is always kind of heart. You hear the horror stories of the elder relatives who are brutally mean to the care givers this is not the case here. She is always kind and helpful and seemingly comfortable with her surroundings. We have decided it must be like having amnesia, just simply not knowing your surroundings and those who are caring for you at all. As we each put ourselves in that position we agreed that it might scare us a bit. After the conversation I started thinking about my mother in law and her life up to the point now where she might be struggling a bit. She has always been a strong woman coming from the diary country of Wisconsin in the early 1900’s. She is an educated woman graduating college in a time when few women even went to college. Married and had a few very tuff experiences through that ordeal. But the strongest part of her character has to be her unwavering faith in God. She is an ordained minister in the First Assembly of God. She is a leader of women and men and has the heart of a lion and the demeanor of a lamb. She is truly convictable as a woman of God in court. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks that’s why she is unafraid. She knows, and has faith, that God will take care of her no matter what. What a testament of faith. But this is how she has lived her entire life. At 93 she still says the blessing before every meal we eat. Her entire being changes when she prays. Her voice gets stronger, she stands a little taller and she prays as if God was in the room. I know her prayers get above the roof. May we all possess this kind of faith one day; it has got to make your life easier.

Well just wanted to share someone who lives life unafraid. May we all live like that one day. And may we all have someone like my wonderful, angelic wife to watch after us if we do stumble.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Birthday

Had a good friend of mine send me a note today marking all of the events, and first in aviation that happened on this date, December 17. The Wright brothers first flew was among the facts and tidbits he included. He has spent his entire career in the aviation. I got to thinking about the date and remembered something else of merit happened on this date; 79 years ago, My Mother was born!

I have spent the day remembering my Mother. This day marked the first day of Christmas in our house. It was the day we got to put up our tree because my dad would not allow anything to be more important than my Mother’s birthday. This day also marked the beginning of the gift giving season, as my Mother got to open one gift a day, starting today, until Christmas. I think it made my Dad a lot happier than her because she always wanted everyone to open gifts early. I can remember this time of year my Mother getting everything from little puppy dogs, diamond rings, watches, and bracelets, too automobiles. My Dad worshiped her and her him. It was not a Ward and June Cleaver thing they truly loved each other. My Father is the one who taught me how to treat my wife. And I can only hope that, if he were here today, my darling wife would thank him.

Another tradition in our house was you got to eat anything for dinner you wanted on your birthday night. Well Mother’s again was a little different. She always got to go out where we always had to stay home!! I can remember once when Mother asked to take us along on her birthday dinner. I think it almost hurt my Dad’s feeling. We got to go because Mother got what she wanted, but you could tell we were getting a peak into something that my Dad really wanted to keep between him and her. After all with 4 kids there wasn’t a lot of together time. Other than the early morning or the late nights whenever it was he was off was their only time. Tthis time of year my Dad would work 3 jobs if he could juggle the schedules. He worked at the airport, 37 years, he always played in a band every weekend, and this time of year would work at Corondilet, or Goldsmiths, or somewhere stocking at night, or putting bikes together, or doing something to make it all happen for the rest of us. I can remember him coming home dead tired and seating at the washing machine, feet up, drinking boiling hot coffee and talking to my Mother. I can remember, when my room was next to the kitchen hearing them talking about everything from his music to money. She always had time for him and when he was home, and awake he was the numero uno thing.

As I sit here wishing I could call her today and wish her happy birthday there is no way I can be sad. I can see her in heaven sitting at the table with my Dad his feet up on the washing machine talking about whatever you talk about in heaven. One thing is for sure it’s not money anymore!!

Call your Mother, if you can, even if it is not her Birthday

Love you Mom, Peace

The Blessed Man

Blessing

What a word. What does it evoke to you, money, happiness, fame, security? I write about what it means to me here. There are many perspectives of a blessing. I have sat back and watched one of late. I am not too sure the person traveling the road thinks it’s a blessing, but I can promise her it is. How can I do that? I have walked the exact same road.

The road we walk, watching a loving parent slowing go to heaven, if that’s how you believe. And I believe it to be that way so that’s how I think. You see one time I tried to tell her she was blessed and she nodded and said thanks but I do not think she ever believed it. And you know I am sure if someone told me that I didn’t believe it either. When you are in the middle of it all you are so consumed by your feelings you do not have the time to recognize you blessing. What a privilege it was to walk with my Father to heaven’s door. I was the last person to talk to him before he went to joint his Mother, Father, sister and brother. I was the person who turned him over, lovingly to them, and knew in my heart the night they were going to take him and let me become a man. My sister was blessed to do the same with my mother. We have talked since my mother’s death and she understands how special it was to be there and take mother back to Dad and be the one to make sure she arrived safely.

Well the time for my extended family member to do the same came today. They, as a family, walked to heaven’s gate and lovingly turned their Father and Husband over to a better place. What a blessing to be able to be the ones to make this journey, knowing in your heart that your loved one got there safely because you were there to hand them over. What a spectacular act of love and caring. Wow almost overwhelming when you think about it.

As I look back at the time when we lost my Dad it was really hard on everyone but me. I believe in my heart of hearts that the reason is because I was there and knew he was safe. My sisters really took it hard and I could never understand that because we all knew he was sick, we all knew he was going to die. They just seemed to believe it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. I can remember calling my sisters and each one almost falling apart when I told them he was gone almost as if they never knew he was ill. My Mother took it hard but she had just lost her life partner of almost 35 years so she gets a pass.

I can’t wait to talk to my family member in a couple of months when she has had a little time to forget the bad days of hospitals and illness and her Father not being able to recognize her or her new born son. She will one day be thinking about her dad and it will hit her like a ton of bricks how blessed she truly was to be able to be there to support not only her mother but more importantly her father as he went through this world and into a better place. I often think about my father on special occasions and know he is there in spirit. As we sat for Thanksgiving dinner last week both he and my mom were here and so was the succotash and roasted Turkey they so loved. After the meal, just like we used to do, we all sat around a TV and watched football and thought about lunch the next day of turkey sandwiches and warmed up dressing. Did I miss them? More than you will ever know. Was it good to have them here even if it was just in spirit? Absolutely!

So as we head down the holiday road to Christmas I can only hope one of the presents my darling angel receives this year is the knowledge of what a blessing she was given to be able to be with her Father to the very end. He knew she was there. He knew little Jaxx Ellis when he touched him. And he will be there this Christmas, and every other Christmas, until she is blessed to go to be with him in that better place. One thing I can promise will happen when he meets her there is: He will give her a huge hug and thank her for taking care of him, and bringing little Jaxx Ellis to see him before he went to heaven.

So as we approach Christmas let’s all count our blessing and reach out to family and friends and make sure they all know how much they mean to us. My wish for you is to never get a call in the middle of the night and a voice on the other end tell you, you have just lost someone dear to you, that you didn’t get to say good bye too.

What a blessing to be able to take care of your goodbyes while they are still here.

Happy Holidays and Peace,

The Blessed Man

Thanksgiving 2010

I went back and read the first Thanksgiving post I did back in 2008. It was good to see it. I still miss my Mom especially this time of year. This was when she was at her best. Cooking, loving and just being Mother, she was terrific and I miss her as much this moment as I did the moment my Brother in Law told me she was gone. In the first post I talked about being selfish wanting her and my Dad here. Guess things didn’t change much there. I also spoke about seeing my adopted sister have her first Grandchild. Well the good lord let me live to see that event and it was as special as I had hoped. She is a wonderful grandmother and loves that baby. We were out to dinner the other night and she was going over to spend the night so the parents “could rest” yeah right, so she could love on that baby!! What a wonderful thing a grandmother’s love. I can remember mine, especially this time of year. Always walking into her house and almost running to the kitchen, into her waiting arms and hearing her ask me what her baby wanted to eat. Guess that’s why I am the size of a house today, but I would not give that up for anything in the world. I can see Little Jaxx running into her arms and saying the same thing. I just hope he knows how special each grandmother hug and kiss are, because one day they go away, and that is sad.

As we get ready for Thanksgiving this year a lot has changed since 2008. My young son seems to have finally gotten it together. I almost hate to put that in print as I do not want to jinx it. He has chosen a career and is working awfully hard to make a go of it. He has acquired a car and is actually becoming a responsible person to the best of his ability. I am proud of him. The family has changed as well. We have members who have retired and are moving in different directions. We are still together, but for some reason maybe just my own jealousy again I think we do not get together enough. I understand people change and grow. I just hate it when it happens inside my entire circle. A benefit of this has been I have learned how to sit at home and enjoy my wonderful wife. We have begun to put puzzles together and visit and enjoy each other. I am reminded daily how special she is and how much I truly depend on her for my sanity. Her Mom has taken a turn for the worst. She has a lot of trouble remembering anything even the easiest of things. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to look into your mother eyes and her ask you “did I have any children.” What character you have to have to work through those times I am guessing. The good lord knew I could not handle that and didn’t give me that cross to bare. I know it still hurts. I wish I could do something, but all I can do is support, and love them both, which I try to do every day.

This year we are having my wives family here. We are both very excited and looking forward to a wonderful family gathering. Her brother and his wife, her Son and his family, my son and his friend all are coming for the meal. This reminds me a bit of Thanksgiving past. My Mother, like me, loves this holiday probably more than any other. This is truly a family focused holiday. And lord knows I am a family guy. We will gather and eat watch football and sleep all over the house. I will think about the thanksgiving my dad burned his foot and we were at the E.R. for over 4 hours while he was being tended too. He was moving the turkey out of the oven for my Mom and he spilled the grease all over his foot. What a guy, didn’t drop it, put it on the counter and said he thought he burn t his foot. Couldn’t wear a shoe for six weeks!! Thought he burnt his foot, right!! Then there was the time when I chased my cousin through our house she was carrying a Pecan pie and she slipped and it when under the T.V… My Dad invoked the 3 minute rule and we ate that pie as messed up as it was!!! The sneaking to the fridge to fill your mouth up with the whipped cream in a can and having Mother scream at me from the other room when she heard the noise the can made. Man I miss the old days.

I am really excited about this Thanksgiving. It will be, just like always, a family affair. I just hope that in some way I can make memories for someone like I have about this holiday. Maybe the grand kids will remember coming to the house and eating and having a blast. Maybe my son will remember sitting around watching football and solving the world’s problems. I don’t think we will run through the house with pies or burn up anyone’s feet but we will do something to make this a special year.

I hope all of your Thanksgiving’s are as special as mine have been; I wish you peace, joy, and health during this very special time of year.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Golf III

As you know I am trying to introduce you to some of my strongest and most loyal friends in the series called Golf. Well today we go to a very special guy. I will never forget the first time I met him.

In high school I fancied myself a golfer, and had a couple of other friends who thought, like me, we were good golfers. I played on the golf team at school so I knew all of the golfers, or so I thought. I played football with a guy who said he had a friend he would team with; I could get a golfing buddy, and we would have a little competition with a little bet, if we so desired. I was a little wary until he told me the guy he was playing with went to school with us. He didn’t play any sports and was just a buddy of his who lived down the street from him. Well at that point he had me hook line and sinker!! We were poplar and we knew everyone in school so this guy had to be a chump so we accepted the challenge with a “make it light on yourself” kind of wager. We show up to play and here comes this guy, my now dear and treasured friend, shorts and shirt that didn’t even go together in the 70’s! No socks and his golf shoes untied! Well after a brief round of introductions we settled on the bet, which to this day I can’t remember, and began to play. After about 4 holes and this guy was even par and we were struggling to keep up I thought we might be in a little trouble. I suddenly figured, if I messed with this guy he would lose his cool and we would simply run over them since my football playing buddy was in the bag from the first hole. So I began, slowly at first, with just little things. Dropping my ball during his back swing, coughing at just the wrong time, standing with my shadow across his line, very understated at first, then more and more intently. It seemed the more I messed with this guy the better he got. I was amazed. So we get around too number nine. Match all tied, everything on the line for the bet. We tee off. This guy hits his ball into a raven on the edge of the fairway. My partner and I in the middle advantage us!! So I start again, looks like a bad lie, how can you hit the ball that far below your feet, wow tuff luck shame to lose on a bad lie, the whole nine yards of less than positive reinforcement for my opponent. I will never forget this part. I cannot set up this shot if you do not play golf. Leave it to say it was next to impossible. My partner and I both hit the green for the first time all day. I am feeling very relieved at this point and settle back to watch this guy kill himself trying to get this ball up next to the green. Then it happened, what I now recognize as a trademark of my dear friend. He looks over at me and then down at the ball, smiles, then hits the ball, it stops inside a foot, gimme, game, set, and match. I will not tell you how badly my partner and I missed our putts to tie the match. Leave it to be said it was more embarrassing than my behavior had been that afternoon. This was my first introduction to the guy we call Granny!

This match started a friendship that has grown over the last 40 years into something so special that it is hard to describe. Red might know where the body is buried but Granny, knows how it died! This guy had bailed me out of more trouble financially than anyone. I have never been the best with money. He could be Midas. He would just give me money whenever he knew I was flat ass broke and never ask for it back. I am proud to say when I paid him off with the final payment some years ago he looked at me and said “What’s this for?” I said dude you let me have that 10 or 15 years ago. He said wow I had forgotten about it, and you could have too. That’s Granny. As far as I know he has helped everyone one of the band of brothers out with money over the last 40 years. When someone kid needed braces Granny was there. A car broke down Granny was there. He was, and still is the nicest, most moral guy I know.

When I was having trouble with first wife he allowed me to move in with him. Needless to say we lived at different ends of the spectrum. Me the out all night running so hard sometimes I didn’t know how I got home. Him working hard all day coming home eating McDonalds everyday of his life and hanging around his house. He told me after I had moved out that he missed me. I asked really? He said yeah he had gotten used to the newspaper being on the table when he got up!! He also said he used to play a little game of where was I parked in the yard before he walked out to go to work every morning.

This guy is something else even to this day. When we were young we participated in every kind of sport you can imagine. Here are granny’s stats never to be duplicated. His softball batting average, 800. His bowling average, over 200. He golf handicap always under a 5, until recently, now I think he might have crept up to a 7 or 8. Tennis, he played in college, putting himself through school. I can remember one time he was challenge by someone to run a 10K race. He had never run a race in his life. Remember this is the guy who didn’t even tie his shoes. He ran finished the race and beat the person who challenged him. He was originally slated to go to college on a golf scholarship. He got to school and they told him they had done away with the golf team. He asked what other sports could he do and keep the free ride. They said, Tennis. He said oh I play that as well!!! He called me asked me what I knew about Tennis? I said nothing. He went out brought a racquet and rule book started hitting balls against a wall and in 3 weeks made the tennis team. When he graduated he was playing number 2 on a team of 6 people, incredible, huh?

Ok I have told you all of this to say this. When I was lost this is the guy that kept me grounded. When I would be about to really screw up he always knew exactly what to say to get me back down to earth and give up any crazy ideas I had. This is the guy that I will always think about whenever I am faced with an ethical dilemma. He is the little guy that we all should have on our shoulders when we really need to make the choices that matters in life

I can remember only once in his life where he was lost. He met his one and only. While I was living with him and he was finally as messed up as me, he was love struck! They spent every waking and any possible moments together. I was never happier for him. Well long story short it didn’t work out, she had battles that were too hard to overcome and she decided they were to end. It crushed him. I know he never got over it, because a few years ago she passed away. It was like they had been together the entire time. I ached inside for him as he worked his way through it. I often have, what if, thoughts about them. I know he would have finally found that one of a kind happiness that you only know, when you share you live with “The One”, she was no doubt his One. The unfair part, if anyone on earth deserves that feeling it is Granny, a babysitter to the wild, true friend, and unselfish giver, who better to feel that feeling? And how does a person like me get to feel it all the time. Strange how life deals the cards and the hands we each get.

Well that’s my friend Granny. A man who has shaped my life in many ways and I have shared some of the best times of my life with. My hope for you; that you have a Granny, a Red, and a goose, who is next up in the hit parade of golfing buddies, in your life. If so, call them right now and tell them you love them. Lord knows I love these guys.

Thanks Granny, Love you man…………………

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Pain

I always write about my emotions and feeling I have never written about todays subject before. Pain. The kind that keeps you up at night, makes it hard to walk, is a constant drain of you emotionally and physically. The kind I have had for over 3 years every day. I write about it today because whenever I write about the other things I seem to feel better so I am going to try this outlet again for a little solace.

My granny, who taught me how to cook, clean a chicken, gather eggs, and garden a little was riddled with Arthritis. I can still see her withered hands going along never complaining about a thing and always thanking the good lord for a blessed life. I can always remember when it got cold she would suffer the most always rubbing her hands and trying to get them lose enough to make me something I loved to eat, or going to sit by the stove so she could quilt a little where the warmth of the stove would loosen her hands enough to enjoy her passion. She was as solid as a rock, buried 3 of her 5 children. A more humble woman I have never met. When she finally was out of her misery the funeral home couldn’t hold the people coming to pay their respects, a wonderful tribute, to an extraordinary woman.

I watched, as my Father was eaten alive by cancer. His, as you have read here before, was all consuming lymphoma. By the time they found it he had less than 6 months to live and all they did was try to make him comfortable. I can remember going to the treatments almost daily and him saying he didn’t know which was going to kill him first the treatments or the cancer. He would just ache from his cancer and really never complained. He was always mindful of my mother and he never wanted her to know how really bad he hurt. He said it made her fell back and he would never be a party to that. We were blessed the doctor gave him mega doses of pain killers so when it got really bad we could help him in the only way we knew how with a pill for some forced rest.

Me, my knees, I have had severe knee pain for well over three years in both of them. I had a small surgery back in February that was to fix one of them. It has really brought no relief. My right knee is bone on bone and the doctors have all told me I am too young for knee replacement. They say I am over weight and that is causing the unrelenting pain. I am over weight however, what really gets me the most is I see people who are a lot more over weight than me and they walk just fine. Why is this, my path in life? What is the good lord trying to teach me? What is to be learned from hurting every waking moment? I truly try to be like my Granny and father mentioned above I really try to never draw attention to my plight. My friends all know when I have bad days and all wonder, like me, why can’t this be fixed. I am sure there is a lesson here and as soon as I learn it the pain will subside. I just wish I was smart enough to see what it was.

So I guess I will continue to seek out the lesson. I will forge ahead using the examples I have shown here to be my guide for learning each day that there are people out there is worst shape than me. I have a great job, great friends, and a loving family. Come to think of it that’s the same things my granny and Dad had and they made it just fine.

So I guess it has worked. I just need to stop focusing on my pains and worries and just be thankful I have a support group that loves me and cares about me and let that be solace enough to at least open my eyes to the fact that it is not all about me and my pain. I have had others go before me that showed me this fact but for some reason until this moment I have never put into this prospective. So Granny and Dad I will use your example of selfless suffering to try to overcome whatever is standing in my way of getting better.

So once again I get up from this computer, somewhat slowly, but feeling better for being here. My all of your pains be controllable, short and life lessoned learned.

Peace,

The Blessed Man