As a regular reader of this blog you already know I have huge issues with my son. In fact, I use this venue as a venting spot or maybe just as a talk out loud spot to try to make sense of the things he says and does. I understand that times are a changing as they say. I also understand that it is in every parents DNA to want better and an easier road for their children. Where the disconnect comes for me is when the two collide, and the child is all of a sudden expecting the bale out. My son recently said to me “I’m your son you had me it’s your responsibility to make sure I’m taken care of”. I also came unglued. This is out of the mouth of a 21 year old veteran of our United States military system telling me he can’t get things done so it’s suddenly my job to do his job! I don’t understand.
All I have to go from is my life experiences. My parents, whom I have written about here at great length, I think wanted what was best for me. I feel like I was taken care of and provided all of the things I needed to get to where I am today. I have a wonderful wife, a nice house, and more friends than one man should have. I have a good job; I am reasonably successful in my field. I go to Church on Sunday and even do a little charity work to try to make the world a better place. So I think my parents would be proud of their son. In the same “talk” when he told me I was responsible for his care. He also told me “That my father was not a good Dad” it’s been over 6 years since I have put my hands on my son; this was a close as I have come in that time. He knew he stepped over the boundary and tried to explain it away as if I was taking what he said out of context. Give me a break. I can only strive to have the strong will my father had with me. He was firm and always stood his ground and never said anything he didn’t back up. Me on the other hand have made false threats, said things I was going to do and never followed through which I truly think has hurt my son in his journey in life. Wow, I guess you can add always trying to take up for him, and his foolishness, as I am doing right now. There are kids in this city right now who do not have fathers who are further along than my son. So where is the disconnect?
Why do I suddenly take on my son’s train of thought? Where are my father’s lessons of sink or swim? Did they have such an effect on me that I am not willing to allow my son learn that life is not fare. What is the end product of not allowing him to fail? What happens to him when it’s really on the line and I’m not around to “take responsibility for him”? I think the parents of my generation had it right. As I look back they understood that the time to fail is when you are young. You bounce back a lot quicker. Take a look around you as we speak. There are a lot of people who have been hit hard by either the economy or life in general. It takes longer to get back the older you are. So as a young man when I quit my really good job thinking I was going back to school, only to register and go for about a month and then realize that it takes money to live on. It was much easier for me to go out get a job and understand I’m not a college guy. I’m a life lesson guy. Maybe that was my first one really!
I did a test this past week. We had another “talk” where we disagreed on his take on a situation and so we parted ways on rough terms. I need to interject here that he always asked for advice. I give it. Then he proceeds to tell me how it is flawed!!! I told my wife I was not going to call him and asked her how long before I hear from him. She said, maybe 2 days. I told her I would hear from him when he needed something. It was four days. He needed me to do something for him. And the killing part was, he acted like all was cool, as if we were close, on great terms, and nothing had happened earlier. I guess we were. I did what he needed.
As I write this it becomes extraordinarily clear that I truly might be the issue. But then how do you simply abandon your child? I do not understand. Maybe abandon is a serve word. How do you teach your child to stand on his own two feet and when life deals them lemons, they must learn how to make lemonade, even if you don’t have sugar? As you can see I still have no understanding of any of this but, as predicted, I do feel better about it.
This is when I miss my Dad the most. What a blessing it would be to be able to call him and say please help me understand what the hell your grandson is thinking. One thing I know, he would not solve my problem, but I promise he would have something to say that would lead me to the solution. I miss you Dad. If your parents are still alive call them right now, while you can.
Well the family is here tonight for dinner better get the chicken brining. Thanks for listening and I sure hope they have internet in heaven. Maybe my Mom and Dad will understand how much I miss them and more over how much I still need them.
The Blessed Man