Fear

You would think that after 50+ years on this planet I would not be afraid of too much. I have a good job, stable marriage, and a overall blessed life. There is one subject where I tread fearfully, my son. I wonder if my father ever had fears about me or my decisions. Another time I wish he were here. Seems like the older my son gets the more fearful the choices get. As you all know he was an Air force Special Forces guy. Notice the word was in the previous sentence! He has decided he wants to be a corpsman/Medic. The Air Force doesn’t have those guys so he arranged for an honorable discharge from the Air force and has applied, and be accepted, for a school in San Antonio that will give him the credentials for a EMT. Then he will enlist into the Army and become a corpsman/Medic and be attached to an Army Ranger unit due to his prior service as an Air force special Ops service. Do you see anything in the over scenario to be fearful of? I don’t know, maybe the words Middle East might come up. Or American infidel I think is the term. He keeps telling me not to worry but I do.

I wonder if my Father ever worried about me. If he did he never showed it. It was always “your grown make you choice and deal with it.” I did, and I did. I wonder what it would have been like if he would have showed a little more concern. Would I have made all of those terrible choices? Like trading my 1966 Convertible Mustang for a 1955 Chevy that barley ran!!! Wow that could have been the biggest thing I ever messed up!! But Dad just sat on the couch in his underwear and called me the dumbest SOB he had ever seen. I was determined to make sure that Chevy was better than that old Mustang. I did in my mind, but never his. I realize now that as tough as it might have been for him to allow me to truly screw the pooch, it was the best thing for me. I try to allow my son this freedom but something always kicks in and I give my opinion or advice or in some way try to soften the blow or take away the lesson. I think I have hurt him more than helped him in some cases. I have a dear friend who refuses to allow their son to fall of experience any difficulty in life. I have spoken to them about this and have even when as far to inquire about how their father or Mother would have handle the situation to show them they are doing nothing but hurting this child. Child my ass the kid is 23 now, and clueless about life. I asked my friend what happens if you disappear. The family is well off and I am sure this child will be fine for the short term. However, what happens when the money runs out and they must make it on their own.

I am pretty sure mine can make it on his own. Not that he likes it but one thing I have going for me is he loves the freedom. He was thinking of returning home during this transition period. We spoke about it briefly. I told him he was welcome, but that our house rules would be back in affect. He said he understood and that was “cool”. Well low and behold about 2 weeks later there was a plan hatched where he could stay in San Antonio and make it just fine!!! Got to love it maybe my Dad would be proud, you think?

Well lord knows I love my family all of them. Well I guess after writing this and rereading it I really have nothing to fear but fear itself. My wife always tells me that fear is the opposite of faith. I like that. I will have faith the good Lord will watch after my son today, tomorrow, and forever. I feel better now.

Getting cold outside maybe a nice Scotch and a fire would be just the right thing. Got a new cooking magazine in the mail today plus, I need to lay out the garden for next year. Looks like I’m in for the evening. Hope you are as blessed as I am and always will to be.