Hurt what a word so diverse, but never a happy thing. It is something we never want to do to someone we love, or even a friend. Have you ever hurt anyone? What did you feel like afterwards when you realized you hurt them? Did it bother you? Did it make you hurt?
Hurt is powerful. Hurt is never kind. Hurt, this is crazy, hurts.
I was hurt tonight by the people I love the most in my life and as I sit here thinking about it I find myself trying to take the blame! Maybe I wear my feeling a little close; maybe I am just to on edge these days. Maybe my job has taken a bigger toll on me than I realize. Maybe the fact that my son is reared his head back into the fore front of my life has totally consumed me and I am crippled by his constant greed and total entitlement, BINGO. I am about to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Now I have done some things please understand. I watched my father be eaten alive everyday for almost 6 months and was always by his side. I have made a fare life from a guy who grew up in a 900 Sq. ft. house with 4 women! I was way too smart to go to college, like a lot of my friends. I have lost a 25 years career with not even one days noticed and have risen from the ashes to a point of success that not in my wildest dream did I ever believe I could achieve. So I have been around the block. However, I am about to kick my son out of the boat. He will either sink or swim that is up to him. I do not think, no I know, that no one around me has any clue of the resolve I have in this endeavor. I have been, that father, the one who is always there. The one who rants and raves and curses and then in the end throws out the life line, well as Edgar Allen Poe said in The Raven, Never More! I think what hurts the most is no one believes me. This means the only way they will ever see my resolve is for my son to fail and I do nothing. Think about that. I have to let me son fail to show everyone I have had enough seems and sounds ridiculous. My hope is, of course, he makes a success of himself and proves me wrong, and everyone else, who says he will be a success right! However at the end of the day my resolve is sink or swim on your own. I am a firm believer in real men pick themselves up by their boot straps and make their own way. If I fed him, clothed him, made sure he has money, at what point would he say no thanks Dad I need to do this on my own. Correct, at no point. But that doesn’t make it any easier on me. I guess what I wanted tonight was a little we are with you; you are doing the right thing. We will be there to support you when your son starts testing the waters to help you with your resolve. But all I got was laughed at and told how crazy I was/am. I know sometimes men/dads have to walk the road alone and if that’s my journey I am ready and willing to walk it. I am a guy who hates to be alone especially when it is matters of the heart and yes sir this is one big matter in my heart.
So it begins. I am quite sure this is the first in a long line of posts that will come along as this part of my journey unfolds. But thank the lord I have this place where at least no one laughs in my face. You might be laughing but I can’t see it. And you know what, if you are laughing, good for you at the very least I taken your mind off your troubles. As always I bid you peace and happiness
The Blessed Man