If you are a regular reader of this Blog you know I have issues with my son. The issues are always issues of understanding. I am quite sure that blame lies on both parties, and neither will ever accept their part.
The latest in the long line of issues happened just the other night. He had an event tied to his work. I have attended ever thing this child has ever done. When he lived with his mother, 3 hours away, I would drive over and back to watch him play a basketball game, where he might not even play. I never complained and always tried to be there. The reason for this is because when I was playing sports growing up my Father never saw me play one game. I played Football, Basketball and Baseball. Not one time was he able to come. As you might remember he worked 2 or 3 jobs most of my young life so I guess I have always given him a pass on that part. However, it never took away the disappointment of his not ever making a game. So when I had a son, I knew if he ever did anything I would be there and have been. Well now, we are talking about a 21 year old U.S. Air Force veteran, a young man who lives on his own and for the most part pays his own way. We are not talking about a 9 year old. Well back to the event at hand. I loaded up the wife and the Mother-in-law and we went to his event. The event is broken into 2 halves. He had 2 major parts in the first half. And no parts in the last half save the finale which included all of his co-workers as well. We watched him perform during his pieces and he has become very good at his job. At the intermission the Mother-in-law, who is very sensitive to cold was freezing, so we decided to leave since the only thing we would miss is the finale that he would be a part of. Well he comes out to the car and makes quite a scene about us leaving. All huffed up and storms off. I was in shock. This from a kid who had called me earlier, as I was working, and asked me to bring him something to eat so he didn’t faint during his performance. Of course, I made him two sandwiches and was happy to do it for him.
So as I was driving off I remembered my feelings about my Dad not ever seeing me do anything. Then I thought about the times I drove 6 hours just to sit in a gym and maybe see him play. I remembered the times I sat in a gym watching him Fence. I have always been there. I got so pissed I could hardly control myself. He is truly thankless. Here I have tried to be that Dad and he is sulking around like a child whose toys have been taken away because we missed the finale!! Now I am not looking for a Dad of the year medal but come on give me a break. This one is the hill I will die on because I have lived the other side of it. I wonder what he would do if the next time he has one of these shows I suddenly had to work and did not even make it. Would he have the feeling I had ever game when afterwards all of the families would be there to meet their sons and talk about the game and I rode home with them. The Dads there always included me and acted as if I was a part of their interest but there was something so missing because it was not my Dad. My son has never known that feeling; it might be good for him. But is that wrong? Now am I being childish? Am I trying to hurt his feelings like he hurt mine? The true answer is yes. I guess that makes me the bad Dad. But that is also another reason for this space it lets me talk about what I would like to do, and never will.
I just know there is no more hurtful feelings than went you have worked very hard at something, no matter what it is, and to think you have done a good job, only to have it all thrown back in your face and to be treated thanklessly, very sad.
As I sit here writing this I realize that I am very jealous of my sons Father. I wish I had one like him. I am feeling sorry for myself for not having a Father who was able to come to the games and events or find them important enough to matter. I guess I need to get my little hammer and nails out and build a bridge over this one shouldn’t I? Still doesn’t make it hurt any less. I am reminded of my Mother comment to me as I was holding my son the day after he was born. It has never rang truer than this minute. She said “your are holding the one thing in your life can bring you more joy than you can imagine. And you are holding the one thing that will hurt you deeper than anything else in the world. Always try to remember the joy and forget the hurt”. Wow I guess I need to move on now. Thanks for listening.
The Blessed Man