It’s been a while since I have been here and sometimes I wonder if it is because I am not feeling so blessed. My company has been sold, and I now work for a large corporation. I spent 25 years in a previous life in a large corporation and survived but I never thought I would be back at it in my mid 50’s. The, "what have you done for me today" attitude that never was shown when my company was owned by the greatest, and most generous man I have ever known. He made you want to kill yourself for him and never expected it. Funny how that works if you not asked to do it you do it,but if they expect it, you feel like they are asking to much?
Then there is my son. Out of the USAF and into a normal life if that can be called what he is living? He has become a dance instructor. He has the most passion and dedication I have ever seen in his life. The rub lies in that he is a young instructor and is on the bottom of the pay scale. This leaves me in a place where I am very uncomfortable and do not understand. He runs short of money all of the time. He is always asking for a “little help” sure it is only as grocery store here a shirt here a meal here and there. I remember when I was his age; my father I believe would have let me starve if I would have lived like my son does. Now, please understand I never tested my Father so I have no references point for exactly what he would have done but I feel like he would not have been as generous as I have been to my son. Now the 64 thousand dollar question; is that a bad thing? I have been on my own except for when I moved back into his house when he was diagnosed with cancer. I lived with him and tried to take care of him until he died some 6 months later. This was truly the best times of my life. We got a lot of things straight and understood each other a lot better the day he died. I can remember putting him to bed the last time and looking into his eyes and knowing that was it. At that moment in my opinion I became a man. The man he made. Would he be proud? I think so I have a great wife, good job, great friends and do things that are good for others less fortunate than me. So maybe he had it right. Where will my son be the day I die? If he is still on the daddy payroll that could be a very bad thing, right? As I type this I am thinking how much I would love to ask my Dad what he thinks.
That is the reason for the title of this post. I’m just simply frustrated about where to go from here. I have counseled him to get another job but I’m told he needs his days off because he works so hard during his lesson and practices sessions he is exhausted. I remember back when he was born I was working 2 jobs and my days off were when I only had to work 8 hours instead of the 16. Now I am not asking for a metal or a chest to pin it on, I was raised to take care of my business. Am I sending my son the wrong message by providing him with the “little help” he requests? What happens when the little help has gone onto a better place? Will he be able to get by or will he fail because I didn’t make him do it now? I guess that is something I need to leave to someone smarter than me, but it still frustrates me.
Well I think I’m back for a while. I always feel so much better after writing one of these things! I’m back to being blessed, and the truth is I never stopped being blessed!