Welcome Eden Gail Savanna

Well guess who has a sister?  Yep, young master Jax Ellis.  I saw her for the first time yesterday and thought what an adorable child.  You know we never really look good in those first pictures.  Well this baby did.  Then my adopted sister, her DeDe, sent me a picture today, one day later, and this baby is beautiful.  I sound like a proud adopted Uncle huh?  Well I am.

As you contemplate her future what comes to mind?  Well the first thing to my mind is her wonderful parents.  These two have taken young Jax and taught him to talk, recognize colors, dinosaurs, birds, people, parts of his body and numerous other things.  You say “My grand kid can do that too and was doing it before this kid!” NOPE he does it in Spanish and English!  Suddenly your hand has come down and your jaw has dropped! So she has that going for her.  She has her DeDe and Poppie as well.  As you know these two are unreal.  In my life I have never seen a couple more committed to their children and now their children’s, children.  She has 3 uncles and 2 aunts that are so ready to get their hands on this baby that they are almost fighting for first in line.  She has another thing as well; she has so much love following her that there is no way this child will every fall.  And lastly but certainly not least she will have a cousin that is one week younger than her, Jade, more on her next week.  I can remember when I was a younger man my cousins were my rock.  They were the ones with whom I discovered life.  We taught each other how to cuss, smoke, fish, hunt, drive, chase girls and everything in-between.  I could fill these pages with stories about my cousins and I.

So Eden Gail Savanna, welcome angel.  I will give the same advice I gave your brother.  Watch your family, emulate them. Learn from them.  Treasure them.  You have been blessed to be born into a very special group of people.  They will always have your back and will always love you.  This, my dearest one is life’s greatest blessing, family.  And that’s coming from a person who knows a lot about blessings.  You see I have been with them for over 15 years and they treat me like that, the most special thing; you are that.  

Please live that every day.  I Love you my dear.

Peace,

Your Adopted, whether you like it or not, Uncle

The Blessed Man

Forgotten / Ego

I have never considered myself to have an ego problem.  I always try to accommodate others needs before my own.  I have been a team player my entire life.  I simply didn’t even fathom I could have an ego problem.  Well maybe I do!

You see for the last 15 years I lead the best sale team in Memphis.  We made all goals except for the last quarter of one year.  We were tight we worked together on all projects for the good of the team.  I was proud to call myself a member.  Well I have left the safety of my team.

Thanksgiving is time of reflection and thankfulness, for me anyway.  I was sitting in my office one afternoon the week of Thanksgiving and decided I would write my old team and simply say happy thanksgiving I miss y’all.  I wrote a very heartfelt letter and sent it.  I got one response 3 days later.  Needless to say I was crushed.  I felt like I would get a response from every member returning my heartfelt thanksgiving wish at the very least.  I got zero.  At first I was hurt, then angry, then after a little reflection thought about my dad.

You see he was my greatest grounder if that’s a saying.  I was a fair football player during my younger years and there were times I thought I was better than others.  He always seemed to know exactly what to say to get me to realize I really wasn’t.  I know where the thoughts of greatness came from, they came from my coach.  He wanted everyone to feel like they were the best walking.  But now as I look back I know he only meant on the field.  Once you get off of the field you remember you are just another person trying to make it in life.  Well it seems like I got off the field, Memphis, but forgot to reenter life.  I remember one time when I was at the airport once again I was thinking I was special at my job and my boss at the time and I were talking; and after a small rant about all of my extremely good qualities, I stopped.  He took a drag off his cigarette and looked me dead in the eyes.  He said” What do you think I pay you to do?” I was stunned.  He was exactly correct.  Everything I was telling him about my talents was part of my everyday responsibilities.  He finished by saying if you left tomorrow in 3 weeks no one would remember you.  I was wounded.  My Dad had always been a little kinder in his returning me to mortality. 

However, at the end of the day he was correct.  In our everyday lives we are only living in our small world.  If you are in it, then you matter.  If you move out, then you don’t; hard but true fact of life.  Think about your experiences?  Been there done that or maybe you are not as needy as I am for maintaining relationships.  Maybe there is my down fall.  I wanted to keep being a part of the team.  I wanted to know they were alright and making their numbers and keeping our accounts as happy as they were when I was there.  Ego?  I think maybe.  Shocked, yes.

So maybe it is true.  Out of sight out of mind?  Man I hope not.  I can’t imagine going back to Memphis and the family not really caring if we got together or not!  Man that would leave a mark for sure.  My adopted sister not having time to be with me that would be like losing a real sister. I would simply die.  

I guess in the end we all want to know we made a difference in the way the team played.  We all want to be a part or the part that makes the team a winner.  We all need to be recognized as important.  Maybe a little ego is a good thing.  I know this for sure.  I have left two very successful teams in my work life.  I also know this more important thing.  They are both still in the game.  I was not that big a deal.  Maybe I was important at the moment; I will keep thinking I was.  However, in the big picture both teams are still trucking playing the game we used to play without my help.  And now as I write this I am happy.  Would it have been great to hear from every member that they missed me and wished I were there?  Yes.  Would I have returned? No.  They know this, so I am out of sight out of mind.  They know the team is more important than any one player they have moved on and are showing me they have and letting me know I should too.  Like someone once said “There is no I in team”

Well guess I better get about the business of getting my new team together.  This should be a blast.

Thanks for listening

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Thanksgiving

Well it’s that time of year when we all get together eat like we are not ever going to get sick.  Watch football and drink the best wine we have.  Oh yeah and remember the things we are thankful for.  The wife and I were talking the other day and we have decided this is our favorite holiday because it has not commercially been ruined.  Yes the turkeys go on sale and the whole black Friday thing but other than that it is still about being thankful for what we have.

As I start my list this year the first thing I am thankful for is my lovely wife.  She has been my strength and power for the last 3 or 4 months.  There has been a lot of change in our lives and she hasn't even flinched and I know inside sometimes she has.  But I have never seen her sweat.  A blessing beyond all recognition she has been to me.

I am also thankful for my new home.  My new friends we have made and the new life we have begun.  We have met some of the nicest people here and they are all becoming my new found family. 

I am thankful that my son.  He seems to have finally found someone who he trusts and loves.  He has started working and shows tell tell signs of becoming the man I knew was inside of him.  I feel like now I was the reason it hasn't reared its head until now.  But he seems to be coming along just fine without me there to rescue him from every hang nail he has.  I am proud of his growth.

However, there is a touch of sadness among all of the thankfulness.  You see this is the first holiday I will not be a part of the Memphis family Thanksgiving in about 12 years.  I will not be there cooking and messing with my adopted sister and enjoying with my Memphis family.  They will all gather tonight and sit and enjoy great food, great wine and great company.  I will truly miss each and every one of them.  I hope they all know I will be thinking of them today and still thankful they are a part of my life even from a great distant.  I am blessed to have two of them here with us for the holiday.  So that will dampen the blow a great deal.  After all of these years I still need my family around to make it Thanksgiving. I will still be missing my adopted Sister and her wonderful husband.   It was my Mother’s favorite time of year.  If you have read the other Thanksgiving posts you know all of the stories.  They will all reappear to me late today as I taste my first bite of Succotash.  Miss you Mother.

Well the old Blessed man has a lot to be thankful for today.  Friends and Family always will top my list.  And once again I will be surrounded by them all day today. 

May you be as well.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Gone

If you are a regular reader of the blessed man then you understand I haven’t posted anything in months.  Well I am living a dream here and have been especially busy for the last 2 months.  You see there are times when the good lord sends you a boat and you ether jump in or let it pass.  Well with the full support of my lovely wife I jumped in.  I left my wonderful job, moved to paradise, took a brand new job all in the last 2 months.  I can hear you from here, you left your Memphis family!!!!  Well kinda.  You see my adopted sister and her wonderful husband happened to be in paradise with us for the last 2 months.

They were here and it really eased the blow of the move and to support during the acclamation to our new home and surrounding.  What fun we have had, playing pickleball, golf, shuffleboard, domino’s, eating, drinking, dancing, riding around in our golf carts, and just living “The Village’s Lifestyle”.  Don’t get me wrong I played in between the work and had a blast doing it. 

Well they have gone.

I can’t imagine the hole that awaits us when we return home.  You never understand how much you depend on your family until they are gone.  Did we spend every waking minute together? No, we didn't in Memphis either.  However, I knew they were right there.  Well now they are not, and I already miss them.  

They have been called home for the births of the new newest members of the family. Baby E who will have my main man Jax Ellis as a big brother who will watch over her for the rest of her life as well as parents like the ones they were raised by to love her forever and keep her safe and warm.  Then one week later little Jade enters the world.  And what an entrance it will be, welcomed by parents that have waited for this for a while, strong and loving, great providers, and caring and loving as all great parents should be.  But what else would you expect coming from two of the most loving families I have ever been associated with.  My Memphis family and the mother’s family who I have incorporated into mine so now we are just one big happy family! So I can allow my sister to go to the births, I totally get that.

Now I am not crawling into a hole here the blessed man is better than that, but I am talking about missing my extended family.  When you have lived around people who show you unconditional love for over 15years and suddenly that’s gone there is a void.  We will continue on meeting people and having fun.  I will simply miss my sister and her husband.  Will they return? Of course.  They have made plans to be here 6 moths next year. 

Is that soon enough? NO. 

Is that selfish? Yes

Do I care? NO

So I guess my advice today is if you have family, friends, whomever that means the world to you.  Tell them.  Hug them tell them you love them. Just like I did when I left them last Sunday night. They know how I feel. Yours should know how you feel. It’s important.

Well guess I’m glad I am out of town for a few days.  Maybe that will make the return a little easier than a cold turkey stop.

Well DeeDee and Poppie you know I love you both.  Please come back soon.  There are people in paradise that love you too.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Breakfast

Breakfast one of, if not, my favorite meal of the day.  Whether you are a bacon and eggs person, or a cereal and toast person it’s how you start the day.  Somehow it sets the tone for your attitude for the next 4 or 5 hours until lunch.   I can remember those specials night when it was just my Mother and I for dinner the sister were out somewhere and Dad was working.  She would look over at me and say “let’s have a breakfast dinner.”  Nothing was more special than to have bacon, eggs, biscuits, and gravy for dinner are you kidding me?  Knowing full well you were going to get to eat it again when you woke up.  Now that’s living my friend!!

Well I say all of that to tell you of my most recent breakfast memory I have made.  I have spoken here numerous times about my adopted sister’s daughter who has married one of the finest young men I have seen in a long time.  There was the post about the way he treats not only his wife but his Mother.  A finer young man I would challenge you to find.  Anyway back to my story

We were at dinner the other night and he asked me if I wanted to go to breakfast with him and his wife the next morning.  I said sure.  Well this isn’t your run of the mill breakfast, oh no sir!  This was a go out to a local air field.  Get into a Cessna 182 fly to Oxford Mississippi eat at the local legendary breakfast place, Big Bad Breakfast.  Be taken on a private tour of the Ole Miss Campus.  Back to the airport flown back home and all before 11am!!

Talk about special, man!!!!  I have a love for airplanes few know.  I worked around them for over 25years.  There is a saying in the airline biz.” Once you have worked around planes you have Jet fuel in your veins” Well this episode let me know mine is still alive and well.  The coolest part about the entire thing is I got to ride in the right seat.  That means I was wearing a head set, listening to all of the radio traffic and simply had the best seat in the house.   As we flew down we talked about the scenery it was slightly over cast but a wonderful day to fly.  All the way down and back I am like a kid in a candy store looking for things on the ground I recognized.  Simply taking in all of the beauty of flight and the peacefulness that being up there gives you, if that’s your thing and I promise it’s mine. 

As we were flying back I was taken back to thoughts of my Mother.  I can remember one day she said to me let’s go eat lunch.  I said sure let’s go.  We proceeded out to the airport, got on an airplane, flew to San Francisco, and had lunch at fisherman wharf!  My Dad worked at America Airlines for almost 40 years so we could fly for free if there was a seat.  And back in those days there were always seats.  So we went to the west coast for lunch.  As I sat there looking out that window I somehow knew Mother was watching that airplane as we were flying home and loving the fact that all these years later I am still up for a good meal no matter where I had to go to enjoy it.  May we all have the chance to do something this special what a blessing.

Well once again I find that no one is really more blessed than me.  Think about it.  In my life I have done something twice most people never get to do even once.  I have gotten on an airplane flew to some wonderful place.  Eaten, got back on an airplane and flew home.  Talk about lifestyles of the rich and famous. The ole bless man has lived it, twice. 

Well thanks to my pilot and his understand wife, she sat in the backseat and allowed this old man to have the best seat in the house.  A seat I know is hers and will remain hers for many years.  You have made the Blessed Man a happy one.  This trip is a memory I will cherish forever.  I will never forget that feeling as we were leaving the ground on the way down there.  I have taken off a thousand times but there is something about, for the lack of a better term, being in the driver seat that makes it a totally different feeling.

Why am I humming Rhapsody in Blue? Only a few will get that one so I embedded the link.  You will get it the second you hear the first note, I hope!!!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Girls

You might be asking “What does the blessed man know about girls?”  Well I grew up in a 900 square foot house with 4 of them!!  That’s right and oh and I forgot to mention it had one bathroom.  Yepper’s me my dad and 4 girls, 3 sisters and a mother.  I can remember it like it was yesterday, I was maybe 5 years old my Dad calls me over to his chair and told me we always had to have each other’s back.  I, of course, told him always why did he say that?  He told me if we didn’t they, “the girls”, would separate us and kill us!!! So funny.  To this day I still laugh out loud whenever I think about that conversation. 

Well there is about to be another invasion of girls.  My Memphis family is about to add 2 to the family.  And the really cool thing is they are going to be about a week apart in age.  I can remember I had a cousin that was about a month older than me and we were always very close I think the age had a lot to do with it myself. 

Well of course the big story for me is PoP PoP.  When the reveal was done the other  night he was a biggest smile there.  He has one little girl already and she is the apple of his eye.  And speaking of that little girl I should say young woman she is graduating Nursing school a week after all the babies are born.  Girls Girls Girls.  All pretty and smart.  How blessed we are as a family to be adding two more wonderful children to this already love drenched family.  One will be in Atlanta and the other here.  Well I can tell you the one here will not walk until she goes to school because one of her grandparents will always have her in their arms.

As I sit here thinking about family and little girls I have often wondered what it must be like to have a little girl.  I know I would sit by jealously watch my sisters interact with my Dad.  He was always somehow a little gentler, a little more forgiving, a little more patience and loving with his girls.  He loved me I am sure but I always had a higher standard and was always expected to watch after the girls.  I remember the night we found out he had cancer he told me I was now to take care of the girls.  He did love his girls.

As we enter into the girl portion of this phase of life how blessed I will be to watch someone I love dearly have a dream come true he has said for years.  He wanted a little girl.  Well my brother you have two coming.  I can see them now.  Standing in his kitchen both holding their little arms up smiling and saying PoP PoP can we have-----?  And him smiling and saying of course you can my angels.  Give me chills just thinking about it.  You know sometimes it is better to see someone get something than to get something you want yourself.  This is one of those times.  I am so happy and proud of DeeDee and PoPop no one wanted grandchildren more than them and be able to watch this is a special moment for me.

With all of the changes going on in my life the old adage "the more things change the more they remain the same" is very fitting.  I guess it will always be about the girls.  I know I love everyone of them that is in my life; from my angel of a wife, to my adopted sister to my real one which I never see enough.  So, all those years ago my dad had it right you got to take care of the girls.  Well Pop Pop if you ever need help taking care of your girls I stand ready and willing.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Lost

Don’t you hate it when you lose something? Especially when that something is important to you. Like your car keys that you knew were just in your hand or you put in your purse just as you got out of the car? I know I do. I often lose things thankfully, rarely, are they important.


However, this time I have lost something that I always thought was important. You see I have truly lost my son.

I was talking the other day to someone who knows more about things than me and we were talking about mine and my son’s relationship. It has never been anything but dysfunctional at best. He and I both hard headed about the things we both believe. As I sat there talking to this person the conversation didn’t last long about my son and I it turned to a place that I never expected. It turned to what is a relationship? What a great question. Think about that for a minute what is a relationship? It is a give and take interaction between two people who are willing to try to have some common ground so they can deepen their feeling for each other on. Very basis I guess but my definition not Webster’s there.

So as I reflect on my relationship with my son I suddenly realize that he is not in a relationship I am. I try to do all of the things a father does, support, advice, comfort, love, care and guide. So I am in a relationship with him. He with me not so much, all he does is call only when he is in a crisis and he must have help getting out of this crisis. So as we look at it he gives nothing but, trouble, heartache, problems, issues, and upheaval. While none of this is in anyway a pleasant feeling for me. He has never put one piece of emotion into our relationship to try to make me feel better about him or anything about him. He simply walks into a room and very routinely and quite purposely stresses me to the max. He is not happy unless I am unhappy. His total goal in life, I believe, is to make mine miserable. And he is very good at making sure he accomplishes his goal. So if we take my definition he gives nothing of value to build anything of value on. You can’t build anything on stress, madness, frustration, and the feeling of being taken advantage of. At least I can’t.


Now before I hear all of the young people supporters out there. You need to give him a chance. He is just trying to find himself. He is a good kid at heart. He will be fine one day. Ok that’s cool with me not sweat he might but if we continue at this pace I will not be here to see any of the miracle of the turnaround of my son. You see I will be dead. My blood pressure is skyrocketing. My health is fading and I contribute most of it to him and a small amount to my job. The job piece I can fix. Money isn’t everything you leave your job for a less stressful one problem solved. And I am actively seeking a solution to the job stresses.


So how do you just leave your Son? What a question. How many Fathers out there have this issue? Well since I have been on my quest to try to find an answer to this important question I have found a few. I spoke with a friend recently. Who years ago came to the place where I am today. You have to cut the ties and save yourself. Is it right? Who knows he seems to have survived as have his sons. Are they close? I think they would say yes. Do they speak on occasion? He tells me they have learned to control their on environment and are making head way in this journey called life. How is he? Marked from the experience, you can see it in his eyes whenever he talks about it. But he wears the mark like a badge of courage. He was willing, and able, to server ties. Cut them off let them sink. How hard was that I asked? He said it was the hardest thing he has ever done. I asked harder than the pain and suffering of the relationship prior to that point? He said yes! Wow what a thing to look forward to. However, for the sake of my son and his ability to make a life for himself and possibly a partner he needs this hard life lesson.


So I will have friends and people I love dearly tell me I am crazy and this is wrong. They might be right but I know I can’t go on like this another day.


The sound of your child’s voice should never bring instant and deep feels of dread. The sight of them should never make you crazy. Their presents in a room should never make you nervous or uncomfortable. If any of those things happen then you are not in a healthy functioning relationship with that person. This is how I feel whenever my son and I interact. Not good.


So I guess this is one time that the old blessed man isn’t so blessed. Or maybe I am. Maybe, just maybe when this is all over I will have a relationship with someone I have loved forever. Maybe the bible story is true and the prodigal son will return home humbled and gracious and understanding of all of the things he once had. I can promise one thing for sure. If I ever see him coming over the hill I will run to meet him and yes we will have one hell of a party, for his return.

I guess once a daddy always a daddy.



Wish me luck!



Peace,



The Blessed Man