Pain

I always write about my emotions and feeling I have never written about todays subject before. Pain. The kind that keeps you up at night, makes it hard to walk, is a constant drain of you emotionally and physically. The kind I have had for over 3 years every day. I write about it today because whenever I write about the other things I seem to feel better so I am going to try this outlet again for a little solace.

My granny, who taught me how to cook, clean a chicken, gather eggs, and garden a little was riddled with Arthritis. I can still see her withered hands going along never complaining about a thing and always thanking the good lord for a blessed life. I can always remember when it got cold she would suffer the most always rubbing her hands and trying to get them lose enough to make me something I loved to eat, or going to sit by the stove so she could quilt a little where the warmth of the stove would loosen her hands enough to enjoy her passion. She was as solid as a rock, buried 3 of her 5 children. A more humble woman I have never met. When she finally was out of her misery the funeral home couldn’t hold the people coming to pay their respects, a wonderful tribute, to an extraordinary woman.

I watched, as my Father was eaten alive by cancer. His, as you have read here before, was all consuming lymphoma. By the time they found it he had less than 6 months to live and all they did was try to make him comfortable. I can remember going to the treatments almost daily and him saying he didn’t know which was going to kill him first the treatments or the cancer. He would just ache from his cancer and really never complained. He was always mindful of my mother and he never wanted her to know how really bad he hurt. He said it made her fell back and he would never be a party to that. We were blessed the doctor gave him mega doses of pain killers so when it got really bad we could help him in the only way we knew how with a pill for some forced rest.

Me, my knees, I have had severe knee pain for well over three years in both of them. I had a small surgery back in February that was to fix one of them. It has really brought no relief. My right knee is bone on bone and the doctors have all told me I am too young for knee replacement. They say I am over weight and that is causing the unrelenting pain. I am over weight however, what really gets me the most is I see people who are a lot more over weight than me and they walk just fine. Why is this, my path in life? What is the good lord trying to teach me? What is to be learned from hurting every waking moment? I truly try to be like my Granny and father mentioned above I really try to never draw attention to my plight. My friends all know when I have bad days and all wonder, like me, why can’t this be fixed. I am sure there is a lesson here and as soon as I learn it the pain will subside. I just wish I was smart enough to see what it was.

So I guess I will continue to seek out the lesson. I will forge ahead using the examples I have shown here to be my guide for learning each day that there are people out there is worst shape than me. I have a great job, great friends, and a loving family. Come to think of it that’s the same things my granny and Dad had and they made it just fine.

So I guess it has worked. I just need to stop focusing on my pains and worries and just be thankful I have a support group that loves me and cares about me and let that be solace enough to at least open my eyes to the fact that it is not all about me and my pain. I have had others go before me that showed me this fact but for some reason until this moment I have never put into this prospective. So Granny and Dad I will use your example of selfless suffering to try to overcome whatever is standing in my way of getting better.

So once again I get up from this computer, somewhat slowly, but feeling better for being here. My all of your pains be controllable, short and life lessoned learned.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Golf II

As I mentioned in the last Golf post, I have a group of true blues that I really need to introduce to you. We will start with the easiest one. The one I have known the longest. This is Red.

He was the best man in my first wedding. I have known him for fifty years. We have been to the mountain, and back together. We have always been there for each other. I count on him more than he will ever know and always ask his counsel in important matters in my life.

He is an extraordinary example of what a good husband and father should be. He married later in life and got it right the first time. His wife, already had 3 children, and he took them on as if he were their father, because he really was. The real Dad was really never around unless it was to his benefit. He like most deadbeat Dad’s always kept letting his kids down. This was a large pain for my buddy and we have spoken about it many times. It used to eat him up; he could never understand how a father could simply not care about his kids enough to love them and try to be a part of their lives. He simply took over and the kids now, I feel, look to him as their real Dad.

This is the guy that one weekend my Mother and Father went to visit the grandparents and left me at home. I think we were about 17 at the time. Well we did what all 17 year olds at that time did we went out got a bunch of beer and came back home and drank every drop and proceeded to walk around the neighborhood singing at the top of our lings. There was a ditch in front of our house we fell in it and I know it took us over an hour to get out of it and it might have been 3 feet deep. We finally got in the house and passed out thank you lord. Well as fate would have it my Mother got a little sick and my parents decided to come home early. When they drove up in the drive away my Dad saw Red's car in the drive and told my Mother to wait outside he wanted to make sure everything was ok in side before she came in! He came in to find Red butt naked on the kitchen floor every eye on the gas stove running on high! He woke me up first, then we got my buddy up and about the time he fell into my room my mother walks in, as far as I know my Dad never told her what he found. Thanks Dad for that one we owe you!

This is the same guy who I have played golf with for over forty years. We used to play in a lot of local tournaments around our area. We weren’t too bad either we won a few and lost a few but always had a great time, just like the other day. We have worked on every car either of us has ever had including the ones we drive today. We have built lake houses, and dog houses. We have wired houses and done about anything we ever put our minds to we are good for each other as we always think together we can do anything.

Where would we be without people in our lives like my buddy? What kind of existences would we have without people who bring us unmitigated joy? The times in my life I have laughed the hardest are with this guy. The memories I have that make me smile and my eyes fill with tears mostly I can connect to this guy. What have been thought together can only be characterized as life. All of the crossroads all my life he was right there by my side. This is the closest thing I have to a brother on this planet. He is the one I would take a bullet for, and I think him for me as well. We have lost parents together, friends, girlfriends and wives. We have seen each other’s kids born and quietly supported each other as they made choices we both know would turn out badly for them. We have sat across the lunch table and cried and laugh together. We have shared a full and wonderful life together.

Now our lunches are more about how we can retire and what we want for the golden years for each other. I have always said when I hit to redneck 401K (read Powerball) he will reap the benefits as well. I always know I will one day retire and enjoy the last days of my life living on a little land and raising a few animals and fishing. He always says he will be carried out of his job and a stretcher. I try to make him understand you get what you ask for but he is just not there yet. So when my ship comes in I will do whatever I can to make sure he can retire in the mountains as he wants and live the life he so rightly deserves.

I hope reading this has brought back a memory of a friend you had growing up that you miss. If so, please pick up the phone, break of the computer and email. Whatever it takes please stay in touch with eh people that shape your life. I do not know what I would have become had it not been for my band of brother I grew up with. I am so blessed we are all still together save one who it was his choice to be removed. I still would do anything for him and I truly believe he knows it. So take it from a blessed man, life is all about your family, friends, and the relationships you foster, keep in touch.

Thanks Red, Love you Man..................

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Welcome Jax Ellis Montgomery

You may recall a post about the revealing of the sex of my adopted sisters first Grandchild. Well today we welcome this fine young man into this crazy world. I can only imagine the emotions my friends have been through today. I can almost feel them as I sit here thinking about the new addition to our family.

What lies ahead for young Jax, no one really knows. I know he is going to be better equipped than anyone I have ever been around to handle whatever life sends his way. He has the best Mother and Father I have ever seen, as a young couple. I hold great hope for their ability to raise young Jax in a way that will benefit him throughout his life. His Grand Parents are the ones we all wanted. Loving to a fault and having the ability to provide things the young man will need to shape his character into another member of this outstanding family. A Great Grandfather that simply defines words. A man of unquestionable values and standards, an example young Jax will be able to emulate and put him head and shoulders above his peers. A set of Aunts and Uncles that will be there as the safety net for young Jax as he walks the tight rope of life. How cool is it to know you are walking through life with a net? An advantage we all would like to have.

As I write this I feel a sudden wave of emotion almost like jealousy. Maybe it’s not that, maybe it’s just me wishing I could kind of go back and redo some of the things I have either done or didn’t do as I was making the growing up mistakes or misjudgments. I had great parents, pretty cool Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. So what is this thing I am feeling and why do I hold such great hope for young Jax and think I might have done things better. Well I guess being without parents and grandparents for years and removed from Aunts and Uncles even longer I have lost that family tie. I now look at these people as my family. I have watched the enter actions of this group and have been blessed to be included in a great deal of the enter working of their family unit. I think I know Jax will get a do over card from this group. My family was a little stingy with the do over cards in fact they were nonexistent, but that was how they were raised as well so no blame there.

So we welcome Jax Ellis Montgomery into the family. A word of advice from someone who loves your family like his own, treasure them, and hold them dear. There will be times when you feel like they are all in your business be glad they love you enough to care. Emulate their actions, you will only be loved as much as you love, and you can’t out love your family. Be at peace with you choices, if you have used the light of love that has lit your path from your family they will always be the correct ones. And above all never lose touch with your base. These are the people that will always love you, protect you, and forgive you. They are a special group like none I have ever encountered in almost 60 years.

So Happy Birthday young man, enjoy your life. I can only imagine the impact you will have on this earth and it will be wonderful and to the benefit of all that come to know you.

Peace,

Your adopted Uncle, The Blessed Man

Golf

I have spoken in this space about my Memphis Family. My Son has taken his space, as well. I talk about the love of my life my wife and her angelic Mother. I tell of my love for my parents and even take time to talk about others who move me. For some reason I have omitted a very special group of people. There are 5 others that I could write about for ages. These guys are my brothers in crime. We all have them they are the people in your life that know where the body is buried. They are the people if all else fails you know without a double one call and they are by your side for as long as needed.

I was playing golf yesterday with 3 or the 5. As one of them was hitting his tee shot I was taken back to a trip we made together well over 35 years ago to Myrtle Beach South Carolina. We were what they call young flat bellies and we were all away from home and I can’t tell you how much fun we had that trip. As he hit his shot watching him struggle to bend off the get his tee we all laughed about how we have all changed. We used to be winners of a lot of this kind of one day tournaments. Now we are always in the also played group. But I can guarantee no one on the course has more fun.

Earlier this year there is an annual trip that another group of guys get together. They would almost pay our way to go as long as they got to hang around, what I have to believe they think are, crazy people. One of the other guys on the trip actually told us he comes on the trip just to see what one of us says, or does, so he can go back and tell about it! One of the rounds we were all playing together, a stipulation we put in the rules for one day, and it started to rain. We, by the grace of God, were right next to a rain shelter so we pulled under it and began to visit. One of the guys lives out of town, and has for quite a while. So we really enjoy the time we spend together on this trip. We gathered under this shelter and relived a lot of the moments that shaped our lives together. At one point we brought up a story about one of the many Fathers and when the story was finished as we all laughed uncontrollably a clap of flash of lighting and a clap of thunder pounded down on us. We all sat there stunted as this was really close. The guys whose father we were talking about suddenly comes out with good lord dad we were only kidding. We all fell out again.

As I think about these guys I know what has to happen. I am going to try to give each of them a place of their own here in my little archive of my thoughts. So I will start with this general story and then go on to try to introduce you to the most impressive set of friends a man could ever be blessed with. From boys to men the things we endured together have been many from marriages, divorces, death of parents and siblings. The birth of children and the raising of them and all the trails that comes with that exercise. I have lunch with one of them about every 10 days. We sit and solve each other’s problems and listen to each other’s dreams and tell each other we will get there one day. I think we offer each other hope from a source that we think is different than our family. And I feel like everyone needs hope. He is a special guy and will be the subject of the nest story for sure.

So I guess I am hoping you have guys or Gals like this is your life. People who have been in your life for over 50 years and know you like no one else simply because they understand your changes because they lived them with you. They get everything that makes you tick and the things that might be frustrating to others they understand and give you a pass on. I know this Blessed Man has lived a charmed live with these people in it and I hope I can share them with you soon.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Transition

We all have times in our lives when we go through transition. It is those times that test us to our very core. I feel as if I am standing on the edge of another transitional period in my life. I have always loved the transition portions of my life. I can remember when I transitioned to being a Chef. It was exciting and a learning period like no other time in my life. I became a Father during this period of my life and lost my Dad at the beginning of the transition so it was a very forming part of my life, and it has had a great effect on who I am today.

As I said I feel like I am about to move into another phase of transition but this one I am not so excited about. My Adopted Sister is about to become a grandmother for the first time. Rightly so she is about to transition into that role. A role she has prayed for all of her life. A better grandmother the world has never seen. Transition. My Mother in law is slowing down. It has my wife in a state of transition. She is wondering out loud, for the first time, how much longer her Mom will be here. When her Mother passes she will be like me, a parentless child. Transition. My Son, who occupies more than half of these posts, has finally moved into something I consider a career. Transition .

My job has taken a turn for the worst. Large companies are fine for safety but for the human element they are really not equipped. We just lost another good person this last week because her job was affecting the way she mothered her children. She made a conscious decision to leave before it affected them anymore. My Boss has turned into a guy who is sad or mad all of the time. This is a guy who I have laughed so hard with on the golf course that tears literally ran down my face. He is in Transition as well. I went to church this morning and the new guy preached. Not my style at all. I have been asked to give him a chance I did. The one thing that I loved about my church is the preaching styles of the pastors. All of them preach as if they were sitting with only you in your den. A style that is so comforting to me I have missed maybe 4 Sundays in 6 or 7 years. However, I guess even the church is in Transition. I do not like all of this transition.

Here is what I see happening to me. I am about to go through he loss of my Mother in Law. And I hate to see it. Heaven is getting the sweetest, kindest, purest, and most loving woman I have ever known since my own Mother.

I am about to maybe not lose, but not see my sister as much as I would like. She will be the very center of this new child’s life. Her and her husband will be grandparents we all wished we had. That baby, if nothing else will know what it is like to be loved and cared for by the best.

My son, god forbid, might actually be getting on with his life. He has become a more focused and stable young man. He is moving toward his goals and I think has made a huge transition in his own life.

And then there is my wife and I. We more and more are looking for a little place for us to retire to. Something simple a little acreage with some form of water on it be it pond, river, or creek; room for a few chickens, and a cow or two ; our little piece of heaven to live out the golden years on taking care of each other and enjoying each other’s company.

Then you step back and look. Is it Transition or me being selfish and spoiled? My sister needs to be with her grandchild. My mother in law will go the way of god’s will, not mine. My son will be just fine as well. Do I want that? Have I always been glad he was all up in my face? Could that be true, no way!! Here is where I get really confused.

All I know is that my world as I know it today is about to change and change in a big way. I should be thrilled I have my health, a loving wife, and a group of friends second to none. The transitions in life are always there and happen to us all the time. I guess when we see them going in ways we do not understand we get a little leery of them.

So with that come on Transition let’s see where we end up. For some strange reason the good lord has always taken care of this ole retch and I can take comfort in he will once again take care of me.

May all of the transitions in your life be ones that only bring joy and happiness to all you know and love.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Time

I was in an account of mine last week and we started talking about time, in the real sense. Kind of a pseudo quantum physic thing. Yes, the conversation was over my head, but the guy I was talking to was smart enough to dumb it down so I could semi-understand. That conversation got me to thinking about time as it relates to me and mine. I am in the stage of my life where I think more about retirement than ever before. As I look at my starving 401k and the economy in general I wonder if I will ever realize that dream.

Lately the wife and I have been kicking around the idea of making a few steps in that direction. Looking for a few acres somewhere it is safe and warm, with mild winters, and long lazy summers. I am a water guy, always have been. Not that I don’t enjoy the mountains, or the rolling hills, I just like the water or near it at the least. The wife is a major water person so we are leaning in that direction. You don’t have to be able to explain Quantum Physic to a guy like me to know beach front is a large investment and then I wouldn’t have my garden area either. So we are talking about a short drive to the water and a little land for me. I think we can find exactly what we are looking for. I have one major problem, my friends and Memphis Family. How do you box up the people you love more than life or persuade them to come along on your dream? I can’t imagine any of them sharing my dream of a small farm with chickens, a cow or two, big garden, a pond for fishing, maybe even a river close or running though the land. Sounds pretty nice huh? Well not to all. One thing about my Memphis family is we are all different but all share the same unconditional love for each other. How do you move away from that even if it is your dream? Aren’t you supposed to share your dreams with the people you love? And how can it be a dream if my Memphis family is not included?

I guess that is what they mean when the old timers said time waits for no one. Time is always moving. Nothing says we will or we won’t find our dream place. And nothing says we are moving tomorrow. However, the thought of it makes me very sad in some ways and excited in others. I know people move and change. There is about to be a big change in the family very soon. My adopted sister is about to have her first Grandchild. I know the pecking order is going to change. I know there are going to be things change because of the baby. I get that, and have no trouble adapting to it. But no one is moving, we are all still here, she is a phone call away, just like I am, just like we all are this very minute. Are the visits going to be fewer, more than likely for a while? Will the baby take center stage? Absolutely. Will we all still get together of course? So, time is moving on. It brings babies, and houses, and happiness, and joy.

So when you think about it, I guess time has been a friend to the ole blessed man. Look at all of the things I have been blessed to share in my life. Many of the things you have read in this musing of my experiences. There have been many more, too many to write about even. So I guess Mick Jagger had it right when he sang “Time, Time, Time is on my side. Yes it is”. So as I sit here and write this today I am very proud to be a guy who loves time and embraces its every change. Time has been an ally to me. It heels hurts. It allows love to grow where sometimes the ground is not so fertile. It educates and makes memories. It softens hearts hard with pain. It allows people into your life that over time, make a place in your heart you never imagine existed, and once they are there, you never understand how you even breathed without them being there before. It makes you see the good in people when you allow it to work to open your eyes. Time expands you as a person, to the very edge of your reality, making you understand that no matter what you do, or who you are, you need others in your life to be fulfilled. Time is my friend and treasured companion.

Well time will tell what happens to me. I know one thing, there is no battling time. I will allow it to work, as it has for my entire life. Trusting it to be my friend and always having my best interest at its very core. So here we go, the train is leaving the station right on time. Come along for the ride if you like I can promise it will be filled with joy and wonderful times. Just like the times of my life have been to this point. All Aboard!!!!!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

32

What were you doing 32 years ago? Think about it, 1978. I started working at the airport at my dream job. I had been married for 3 years. I weighted a lot less than I do now, and I thought I was Teflon. My Dad was still working at the airport, so I was working at the same place as him, I was the coolest guy. Disco was rolling, and dancing was the thing. I had some of those stacked shoes and some pants that John Daly would not wear today!! Live was good. Well on August 30th that year a marriage happened. It was not unlike any other at the time, but man was it a special thing. You see my claimed sister got married that day, and 32 years later she celebrated it with us all. I didn’t know her then and she didn’t know me. She has since met some of my friends from that era and says she would not have liked me to much back then. I guess we all change, at least I know I have. Her, I am not so sure. I have got to believe she is still exactly like she was even back then. A cheerleader, and of course the best looking girl in school, she is the one everyone could understand. She is the one that spoke to everyone and seemed to get along with everyone, what a talent. She married a guy who, like me, I think maybe had a little bit of wild in him. But she saw the diamond in the rough and married him anyway, and what a great choice on her part. He had been a magnificent father to her 4 kids, a tireless partner and supporter of her., a welcoming soul for her father and mother who have, and still live with them. What a guy. Let’s think about that last statement. He has lived with her parents their entire 32 years of marriage. Could you do that? Her Mother has passed but her dad “Tone the Bone” has lived with them for the entire 32 years.

As we sat down for dinner, on their special night, her dad “Tone the Bone”, got up to make the first toast. His voice always seems so strong until, he starts talking about her. He just can’t do it without getting all emotional about it and then we all get that way. He started out with he has lived with her for her entire life. What an accomplishment for a father to live with his daughter all of her life. He has seen it all the birth of the kids the death of his wife and the growth of us all while living with his heart and soul, his daughter, what a blessing for Tone. He spoke of how her husband has become a son to him, something the husband will tell you without a bit of prompting, he loves Tone like he was his dad. He spoke of the children and his wife and how they all just have grown together and how special the entire 32 years has been for him. As we all sat there I wondered what that must have been like for them to spend 32 years together and still be so in touch with each other and have each other’s best interest at heart. Seems like something in today’s world that is extremely rare. How blessed am I to even be at this table, much less, to consider these people my family.

As I look back over that same 32 years I can see things that were great, and things I would like to forget. However, I only have one regret; I wished I had been at that wedding! If I had been, think of the joy and the fun I would have had enjoying all of the things Tone spoke of during his toast. Were there bad times? I am sure. But as it always seems in life the good times seem to be ones we always talk about and remember. And trust me there have been a ton of good times in this family. I have seen the videos!! The boys when they were younger tag teaming the family dog, a boxer named Rolex, and the dog actually pinning one of them to the living room floor. The young daughter kissing the little boy next to her during a school program until he actually walked to the other side of the stage! The speech the son gave at his high school graduation, because he was the class president. The football games at UT where the two sons were cheerleaders and came running out on that field carrying the UT flag, the wedding in North Carolina, the announcement of the upcoming grandchild, the engagement of the oldest just a week ago, the pending engagement of the daughter. Seems this family is a joy attractor. What a 32 years! May we all have this kind of impact; not only on our own children, but those we call our friends as well. I think I am a better person for knowing these people. They have changed my life in ways they will never know. I love each and every one of them and truly think of them as my family.

Wow what a 32 years. Makes me want to go put on some KC and the Sunshine Band put on those Stacked Shoes and dance!!! Wait a minute, I would pull every muscle in my body and I have to work tomorrow!! So I guess I will just be thankful that I had shared the last, oh say 8 years, with this very special group. And it’s not every day you get a sister out of the deal either. Love you angel, thanks for the memories.

Peace,

The Blessed Man