Thanksgiving 2010

I went back and read the first Thanksgiving post I did back in 2008. It was good to see it. I still miss my Mom especially this time of year. This was when she was at her best. Cooking, loving and just being Mother, she was terrific and I miss her as much this moment as I did the moment my Brother in Law told me she was gone. In the first post I talked about being selfish wanting her and my Dad here. Guess things didn’t change much there. I also spoke about seeing my adopted sister have her first Grandchild. Well the good lord let me live to see that event and it was as special as I had hoped. She is a wonderful grandmother and loves that baby. We were out to dinner the other night and she was going over to spend the night so the parents “could rest” yeah right, so she could love on that baby!! What a wonderful thing a grandmother’s love. I can remember mine, especially this time of year. Always walking into her house and almost running to the kitchen, into her waiting arms and hearing her ask me what her baby wanted to eat. Guess that’s why I am the size of a house today, but I would not give that up for anything in the world. I can see Little Jaxx running into her arms and saying the same thing. I just hope he knows how special each grandmother hug and kiss are, because one day they go away, and that is sad.

As we get ready for Thanksgiving this year a lot has changed since 2008. My young son seems to have finally gotten it together. I almost hate to put that in print as I do not want to jinx it. He has chosen a career and is working awfully hard to make a go of it. He has acquired a car and is actually becoming a responsible person to the best of his ability. I am proud of him. The family has changed as well. We have members who have retired and are moving in different directions. We are still together, but for some reason maybe just my own jealousy again I think we do not get together enough. I understand people change and grow. I just hate it when it happens inside my entire circle. A benefit of this has been I have learned how to sit at home and enjoy my wonderful wife. We have begun to put puzzles together and visit and enjoy each other. I am reminded daily how special she is and how much I truly depend on her for my sanity. Her Mom has taken a turn for the worst. She has a lot of trouble remembering anything even the easiest of things. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to look into your mother eyes and her ask you “did I have any children.” What character you have to have to work through those times I am guessing. The good lord knew I could not handle that and didn’t give me that cross to bare. I know it still hurts. I wish I could do something, but all I can do is support, and love them both, which I try to do every day.

This year we are having my wives family here. We are both very excited and looking forward to a wonderful family gathering. Her brother and his wife, her Son and his family, my son and his friend all are coming for the meal. This reminds me a bit of Thanksgiving past. My Mother, like me, loves this holiday probably more than any other. This is truly a family focused holiday. And lord knows I am a family guy. We will gather and eat watch football and sleep all over the house. I will think about the thanksgiving my dad burned his foot and we were at the E.R. for over 4 hours while he was being tended too. He was moving the turkey out of the oven for my Mom and he spilled the grease all over his foot. What a guy, didn’t drop it, put it on the counter and said he thought he burn t his foot. Couldn’t wear a shoe for six weeks!! Thought he burnt his foot, right!! Then there was the time when I chased my cousin through our house she was carrying a Pecan pie and she slipped and it when under the T.V… My Dad invoked the 3 minute rule and we ate that pie as messed up as it was!!! The sneaking to the fridge to fill your mouth up with the whipped cream in a can and having Mother scream at me from the other room when she heard the noise the can made. Man I miss the old days.

I am really excited about this Thanksgiving. It will be, just like always, a family affair. I just hope that in some way I can make memories for someone like I have about this holiday. Maybe the grand kids will remember coming to the house and eating and having a blast. Maybe my son will remember sitting around watching football and solving the world’s problems. I don’t think we will run through the house with pies or burn up anyone’s feet but we will do something to make this a special year.

I hope all of your Thanksgiving’s are as special as mine have been; I wish you peace, joy, and health during this very special time of year.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Transition

We all have times in our lives when we go through transition. It is those times that test us to our very core. I feel as if I am standing on the edge of another transitional period in my life. I have always loved the transition portions of my life. I can remember when I transitioned to being a Chef. It was exciting and a learning period like no other time in my life. I became a Father during this period of my life and lost my Dad at the beginning of the transition so it was a very forming part of my life, and it has had a great effect on who I am today.

As I said I feel like I am about to move into another phase of transition but this one I am not so excited about. My Adopted Sister is about to become a grandmother for the first time. Rightly so she is about to transition into that role. A role she has prayed for all of her life. A better grandmother the world has never seen. Transition. My Mother in law is slowing down. It has my wife in a state of transition. She is wondering out loud, for the first time, how much longer her Mom will be here. When her Mother passes she will be like me, a parentless child. Transition. My Son, who occupies more than half of these posts, has finally moved into something I consider a career. Transition .

My job has taken a turn for the worst. Large companies are fine for safety but for the human element they are really not equipped. We just lost another good person this last week because her job was affecting the way she mothered her children. She made a conscious decision to leave before it affected them anymore. My Boss has turned into a guy who is sad or mad all of the time. This is a guy who I have laughed so hard with on the golf course that tears literally ran down my face. He is in Transition as well. I went to church this morning and the new guy preached. Not my style at all. I have been asked to give him a chance I did. The one thing that I loved about my church is the preaching styles of the pastors. All of them preach as if they were sitting with only you in your den. A style that is so comforting to me I have missed maybe 4 Sundays in 6 or 7 years. However, I guess even the church is in Transition. I do not like all of this transition.

Here is what I see happening to me. I am about to go through he loss of my Mother in Law. And I hate to see it. Heaven is getting the sweetest, kindest, purest, and most loving woman I have ever known since my own Mother.

I am about to maybe not lose, but not see my sister as much as I would like. She will be the very center of this new child’s life. Her and her husband will be grandparents we all wished we had. That baby, if nothing else will know what it is like to be loved and cared for by the best.

My son, god forbid, might actually be getting on with his life. He has become a more focused and stable young man. He is moving toward his goals and I think has made a huge transition in his own life.

And then there is my wife and I. We more and more are looking for a little place for us to retire to. Something simple a little acreage with some form of water on it be it pond, river, or creek; room for a few chickens, and a cow or two ; our little piece of heaven to live out the golden years on taking care of each other and enjoying each other’s company.

Then you step back and look. Is it Transition or me being selfish and spoiled? My sister needs to be with her grandchild. My mother in law will go the way of god’s will, not mine. My son will be just fine as well. Do I want that? Have I always been glad he was all up in my face? Could that be true, no way!! Here is where I get really confused.

All I know is that my world as I know it today is about to change and change in a big way. I should be thrilled I have my health, a loving wife, and a group of friends second to none. The transitions in life are always there and happen to us all the time. I guess when we see them going in ways we do not understand we get a little leery of them.

So with that come on Transition let’s see where we end up. For some strange reason the good lord has always taken care of this ole retch and I can take comfort in he will once again take care of me.

May all of the transitions in your life be ones that only bring joy and happiness to all you know and love.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Time

I was in an account of mine last week and we started talking about time, in the real sense. Kind of a pseudo quantum physic thing. Yes, the conversation was over my head, but the guy I was talking to was smart enough to dumb it down so I could semi-understand. That conversation got me to thinking about time as it relates to me and mine. I am in the stage of my life where I think more about retirement than ever before. As I look at my starving 401k and the economy in general I wonder if I will ever realize that dream.

Lately the wife and I have been kicking around the idea of making a few steps in that direction. Looking for a few acres somewhere it is safe and warm, with mild winters, and long lazy summers. I am a water guy, always have been. Not that I don’t enjoy the mountains, or the rolling hills, I just like the water or near it at the least. The wife is a major water person so we are leaning in that direction. You don’t have to be able to explain Quantum Physic to a guy like me to know beach front is a large investment and then I wouldn’t have my garden area either. So we are talking about a short drive to the water and a little land for me. I think we can find exactly what we are looking for. I have one major problem, my friends and Memphis Family. How do you box up the people you love more than life or persuade them to come along on your dream? I can’t imagine any of them sharing my dream of a small farm with chickens, a cow or two, big garden, a pond for fishing, maybe even a river close or running though the land. Sounds pretty nice huh? Well not to all. One thing about my Memphis family is we are all different but all share the same unconditional love for each other. How do you move away from that even if it is your dream? Aren’t you supposed to share your dreams with the people you love? And how can it be a dream if my Memphis family is not included?

I guess that is what they mean when the old timers said time waits for no one. Time is always moving. Nothing says we will or we won’t find our dream place. And nothing says we are moving tomorrow. However, the thought of it makes me very sad in some ways and excited in others. I know people move and change. There is about to be a big change in the family very soon. My adopted sister is about to have her first Grandchild. I know the pecking order is going to change. I know there are going to be things change because of the baby. I get that, and have no trouble adapting to it. But no one is moving, we are all still here, she is a phone call away, just like I am, just like we all are this very minute. Are the visits going to be fewer, more than likely for a while? Will the baby take center stage? Absolutely. Will we all still get together of course? So, time is moving on. It brings babies, and houses, and happiness, and joy.

So when you think about it, I guess time has been a friend to the ole blessed man. Look at all of the things I have been blessed to share in my life. Many of the things you have read in this musing of my experiences. There have been many more, too many to write about even. So I guess Mick Jagger had it right when he sang “Time, Time, Time is on my side. Yes it is”. So as I sit here and write this today I am very proud to be a guy who loves time and embraces its every change. Time has been an ally to me. It heels hurts. It allows love to grow where sometimes the ground is not so fertile. It educates and makes memories. It softens hearts hard with pain. It allows people into your life that over time, make a place in your heart you never imagine existed, and once they are there, you never understand how you even breathed without them being there before. It makes you see the good in people when you allow it to work to open your eyes. Time expands you as a person, to the very edge of your reality, making you understand that no matter what you do, or who you are, you need others in your life to be fulfilled. Time is my friend and treasured companion.

Well time will tell what happens to me. I know one thing, there is no battling time. I will allow it to work, as it has for my entire life. Trusting it to be my friend and always having my best interest at its very core. So here we go, the train is leaving the station right on time. Come along for the ride if you like I can promise it will be filled with joy and wonderful times. Just like the times of my life have been to this point. All Aboard!!!!!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Thankless

If you are a regular reader of this Blog you know I have issues with my son. The issues are always issues of understanding. I am quite sure that blame lies on both parties, and neither will ever accept their part.

The latest in the long line of issues happened just the other night. He had an event tied to his work. I have attended ever thing this child has ever done. When he lived with his mother, 3 hours away, I would drive over and back to watch him play a basketball game, where he might not even play. I never complained and always tried to be there. The reason for this is because when I was playing sports growing up my Father never saw me play one game. I played Football, Basketball and Baseball. Not one time was he able to come. As you might remember he worked 2 or 3 jobs most of my young life so I guess I have always given him a pass on that part. However, it never took away the disappointment of his not ever making a game. So when I had a son, I knew if he ever did anything I would be there and have been. Well now, we are talking about a 21 year old U.S. Air Force veteran, a young man who lives on his own and for the most part pays his own way. We are not talking about a 9 year old. Well back to the event at hand. I loaded up the wife and the Mother-in-law and we went to his event. The event is broken into 2 halves. He had 2 major parts in the first half. And no parts in the last half save the finale which included all of his co-workers as well. We watched him perform during his pieces and he has become very good at his job. At the intermission the Mother-in-law, who is very sensitive to cold was freezing, so we decided to leave since the only thing we would miss is the finale that he would be a part of. Well he comes out to the car and makes quite a scene about us leaving. All huffed up and storms off. I was in shock. This from a kid who had called me earlier, as I was working, and asked me to bring him something to eat so he didn’t faint during his performance. Of course, I made him two sandwiches and was happy to do it for him.

So as I was driving off I remembered my feelings about my Dad not ever seeing me do anything. Then I thought about the times I drove 6 hours just to sit in a gym and maybe see him play. I remembered the times I sat in a gym watching him Fence. I have always been there. I got so pissed I could hardly control myself. He is truly thankless. Here I have tried to be that Dad and he is sulking around like a child whose toys have been taken away because we missed the finale!! Now I am not looking for a Dad of the year medal but come on give me a break. This one is the hill I will die on because I have lived the other side of it. I wonder what he would do if the next time he has one of these shows I suddenly had to work and did not even make it. Would he have the feeling I had ever game when afterwards all of the families would be there to meet their sons and talk about the game and I rode home with them. The Dads there always included me and acted as if I was a part of their interest but there was something so missing because it was not my Dad. My son has never known that feeling; it might be good for him. But is that wrong? Now am I being childish? Am I trying to hurt his feelings like he hurt mine? The true answer is yes. I guess that makes me the bad Dad. But that is also another reason for this space it lets me talk about what I would like to do, and never will.

I just know there is no more hurtful feelings than went you have worked very hard at something, no matter what it is, and to think you have done a good job, only to have it all thrown back in your face and to be treated thanklessly, very sad.

As I sit here writing this I realize that I am very jealous of my sons Father. I wish I had one like him. I am feeling sorry for myself for not having a Father who was able to come to the games and events or find them important enough to matter. I guess I need to get my little hammer and nails out and build a bridge over this one shouldn’t I? Still doesn’t make it hurt any less. I am reminded of my Mother comment to me as I was holding my son the day after he was born. It has never rang truer than this minute. She said “your are holding the one thing in your life can bring you more joy than you can imagine. And you are holding the one thing that will hurt you deeper than anything else in the world. Always try to remember the joy and forget the hurt”. Wow I guess I need to move on now. Thanks for listening.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Treatment

What a word. There are a lot of meanings and applications for the word as well. I can remember my Dads treatment of my Mother. If ever a man idolized a woman it was this relationship. I can remember anything my Mother even mentioned she liked, thought she would have enjoyed, or remotely desired she had within weeks. Watching this behavior of course was influential, on me, to say the least. I also learned much later in life that there were some bad results from this undying love. Debt is the first thing to come to mind, but my Dad didn’t seem to care and we were really none the worst for his total dedication to my Mother. He even would go out on limbs and try to get out in front of her wants. Now it has to be said here I can’t remember my Mother being a needy woman. In fact, I can remember her trying to curtail his gift giving to something manageable. He loved to buy, sell, and trade jewelry. My Mother loved the jewelry, but there were limits even for her. I remember the first ring he bought her. It is a beautiful fish tail diamond ring. It was always her favorite and there was one rule. He could never trade that one. It was special. My wife now wears that one and every time I see it I think of my Mom and Dad and the special relationship they had together.

While sitting around my dining room table the other night we were winding down and talking over one another, as we often do, and there was something said that sparked this post. My claimed sister has a daughter my claimed niece, I guess! She is dating, what we all feel like, is one of the most special young men we have met in a good while. He is a pilot with an airline. He is stable, smart, and caring especially where his girlfriend, my claimed niece, is concerned. Her Mother sitting at the table said something I have heard in the past, many times, but it was just said at the right time the other night. She said “watch how your boyfriend treats their mother. That’s how they will treat you.” WOW how revealing a statement is that. If this is the case then how was my father, as a teacher, and how am I as a teacher to my son? As I said in the opening there was no better teacher than my Dad. I would like to think I treat my wife special. She really doesn’t want for anything I know of, and if she did I am afraid I would do anything to get it for her, save going into debt. We have had this conversation and if I when into debt it would do more harm than good, which is a good thing.

My son is the product of a divorce. He lived with his Mom most of the time only coming to me when she was either too sick to take care of him, or when he was to wild for her to handle him. So I have not had a lot of time to show him how to treat someone you say you love. He is now 22 and has been in a couple of relationship. I also know how he treats his Mother. I am sad to say I don’t think I have done a very good job. I could blame it on the situation or a million other things, but I will not take that road. It is still my fault he will miss the joy of a special relationship unless there are some changes in his life. I know this is a little strong to say he will never be in a special relationship but he is more about him than the team in every circumstance I have ever seen him face. I was never able to get across the philosophy of, there is no I in team. He takes the Michael Jordan stand; there is no I in team, but there is ME. And any special relationship is a team. I think about the relationships I see now and how they all show this characteristic. In my Memphis family every relationship is a team effort. From my members going though the Cancer together, to the ones going though the graduations and the birth of their first grandchild, to the ones who have seen a special young man rise like a phoenix from the ashes of a broken state to become something we all knew was there and are so proud of today. But each required a team effort. I can remember whenever my Dad would be down and he struggled a lot with that my Mother was always there to make sure he knew she had his back and would do anything to make sure he pulled out it and he always did thanks to her. I can remember when he died she never ever saw another man for the 22 years she lived until she rejoined him 2 years ago. She always said there would never be another Bill. What a statement of treatment.

The new parents–to-be reflect the same philosophy. The new Dad treats his wife exactly like he treats his Mom. He loves her and always shows concern and care in every situation I have every witnessed. So I guess it is true. Watch how they treat their Moms ladies.

Well as I sit here and write this I can only hope my claimed niece can see and takes the time to enjoy the very special treatment she is receiving from this very special young man. Is this an endorsement of marriage? Is it my area to be in, NO? Not my place. Would it make me mad, no? All I want is for her to be as happy as I am in my life. Or as happy her Mom is in her life; or as happy as all of my Memphis family always seems to be. Do we have our moments, of course? Do we love our way through them absolutely, team. What a blessing for me to be in this place, at this very special time. I love my life and I love my family and friends.

Think I will go and tell my angel of a wife how much she means to me. Give her a hug and absolutely get lost in the moment. And as I hug her thank my Dad for showing me how to do it. And thank my Mom for showing me how to allow it. I miss you both every single day.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

True

As you have read here many times, I have a Memphis Family. We are a funny bunch for sure. All of us are totally different but love each other unconditionally. This note is about one of special members. This man has a history and past as we all do however, I’m told the man I know may have been quiet different if I had met him say 20 years ago. Well I can more than likely say the same thing about me, so I am not one to dig up the past so let’s leave sleeping dogs lie if you please!

This is a smart, driven man. He makes decisions everyday that affect numerous people and huge amounts of money. His work world is edgy and extremely fast paced. He is a man of few words and action. He is tuff and his peer’s look to him for advice and guidance. I hope you understand this guy is a businessman, and in business you need to be tough and decisive. If you deal with my friend you had better be prepared or pay the price. I have learned two major things from this man. First business is business. Second Cash is king!

This is a man that operates one business, he has several, solely to keep a great bunch of people employed. Now he watches them like a hawk and all the while teaching them what it takes to make it. An education that money can’t buy because guys like this, don’t teach business school, they live it. He guides an amazing group of hard working people though a very tuff and rough business and gives them just enough rope to learn the lesson but not enough to hang themselves. The business they are in, this never happens, this group is blessed for sure. I think if you asked them they would all agree wholeheartedly.

Now when this guy leaves work he turns into something that, if his work people saw they could not believe. He has what he calls “The animals”. And aside here, if I should die tonight I would ask the good lord to return me as one of this guys “animals”. He is the kindest most loving caretaker you can imagine. It has just been bitterly cold here temps in the single digits, which is rare for here. This man everyday has swapped out 3 or 4 20 pound propane tanks to ensure these animals are warm throughout the night! His stable includes, 3 peacocks, 2 rabbits, 3 chickens and 2 roosters. This doesn’t include his dog, which is an entire different post because that is who opened my friend’s heart to animals and more than likely softened him up even to the rest of us to some degree. One of the rabbits got an eye infection off to the vet $400 later the rabbit is better and he now separates the rabbit for its safety! Not many of us would spend $400 on a rabbit unless; it was a gift to your child from either a revenge-seeking parent or in-law. And even then we might try to explain it away trying not to mark the child for eternity!! But not my friend, off to the vet to make sure little bunny Foo-Foo was in good shape, and not in pain.

This man I consider one of my best friends and I love him like family. A truer example of compassion and love you will never find, in my opinion. He loves his wife madly, he has been trough times with his stepson that make the little bit of bitching I do seem so lame. Through it all he has stood by both of them, no matter the cost or situation. As I have been involved on the edge of so of the madness I have never seen him even flinch at whatever needed to be done. What a man’s man. I am proud to call him my friend and Memphis family member for sure.

Where does all this lead, I’m not sure. I just know that you needed to know that there are people in this world who we might cross paths with in a business or another environment who in their real life are true hero’s. People who we might think “damn I would hate to be married to that asshole”. When nothing could be further from the truth. I would place a large wager that if asked, his wife would report he is the most loving, truest, and supportive mate a person could ever ask to share their life with. I know that is what I would say about him, as a friend. He has had an immeasurable influence on me, and my life as well. He always tells the truth and always thinks before he acts or speaks. Something I am still working hard on, just ask my wife!! He is true to his belief system and is not ashamed of who he is or what he stands for. Don’t we all wish we had that one trait?

Well, as I close, I am proud to tell you I will be having dinner with this guy and his family tonight. I think I will give him a bigger hug than normal and hope he knows how much he means to me and in my life. Hell, maybe I will take a page of his book and just tell him. That way I know he knows!

I still want to be one of those damn animals!!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man