Generations

You know we all have a mindset about the generations that is either in ahead of us or behind us.  I can remember looking at my granny’s hand and thinking wow they were wrinkled and hard.  They were riddled with arthritis and all knotted.  She never complained always there cooking every meal and cleaning afterwards never a complaint.   Then there was my Father always tired.  Selfless to a fault always giving up anything he wanted or needed to make sure my mother and the children always got wherever the need was at the moment.  So my perception of these generations is one of sacrifice and pain.

Well until last night.  I was out with friends to dinner.  They were driving so we were sitting on the front porch waiting when they pulled up.  We got into the car and exchanged hellos and how are yous the normal stuff you do with friends.  Then as we were leaving our house the driver informed us we had to make a brief stop to roll a joint for his aunt!!!  Now this is no ordinary Aunt.  She is mid 80’s and full of live and spunk.  I have loved this woman for many years.  And she has a terrible time sleeping.  Well about 2 years ago somehow she found the wacky weed and presto she slept.  So now it’s medicinal for her.  She really needs it for her peace.  This is a woman who is a wonderful spade player and a true joy to simply sit and talk to.  She reminds me a lot of my granny.  A soul you can see from the outside a truly compassionate person and a giver of time and advice to all who would be so smart as to listen.  Always dressed to perfection and beautiful, I really enjoy this lady.

So here is a lady from 2 generations from me who is living life every day.  She never looks back only forward.  Living in the moment for simply joys and love.  Makes me wonder what the generation behind me sees.  Do they see a loving caring hard working group?  Or do they see a group of selfish conceited people who only think about themselves.  I think, or at least hope, they do not.  I think the generation behind us is what I described earlier;  as parents we have enabled an entire generation of people to not know what work is to not know what struggle is to not know what broke is because we had those feeling and they were not fun.  So being what we thought was good parents we have now raised a generation of people who do not know what work ethic is and that call their parents every time that they stub their toe’s.  Good bad or ugly it is what it is.  We will all be fine. This generation of kids will find out soon enough that the world is an unfair place.  I will never forget whenever I would whine to my Dad that it was unfair.  He would tell me “The fair is something that’s down on South Parkway where they judge animals and eat cotton candy” it would piss me off to no end. But you know what he was right.  I have been fired, laid off down sized and abused and none of it was fare.  However, ever trouble made me a better man.  So as we wrap up may we all learn from my friends Aunt; Live life, do not be a passerby get involved be a part it’s quite a ride.  I promise!

I suddenly have a craving for some potato chips or cookie’s

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Pork Chop

When to a local place last night and had dinner with friends.  This place is the hot place in town right now and they are pig experts for sure.  I ordered the pork chop and was brought out a half of a pig rib section it was huge!  And it was wonderful.  It was so large that I couldn’t finish it.  I took it home and just finished eating it for lunch.  As I ate this wonderful chop it reminded me of my Mother.  She loved a pork chop better than anything I guess.  I can remember us having them for dinner and how she would be whistling while she cooked.  She was happy.  Then the first bite you could literately taste the love ooze out from the meat.  My Dad was so happy when we had them, my Mother was so happy it was quite a memory for me.   

Its Mother Day and what better way for me to remember my mother than by eating her favorite thing in the world.  I miss her so badly.  Anytime she comes up it is strange I am not sadden by her being with my Dad now I am feeling the void of her presentence in my life.  Her constant concern for me her ever present love and deep need to be a part of my life no matter what stage of it I was into at the time.  She had the most amazing ability to always know what I was feeling and thinking.  I can remember one time when I was a small child I fell from something hit my head and was taken to the doctor’s office.  Well this was long before CAT scans and other diagnostic procedures of today.  They had me hooked to some machine I was of course scared.  I was told to lie still so the machine would get a solid reading of my brainwaves or whatever they were measuring at the time.  I can remember my Mother reaching over to the bedside and me holding her hand.  The machine reacted strangely I guess because the doctor asked my Mother to release my hand for 15 seconds or so then hold it again.  She did and the doctor was amazed.  He said whenever she released my hand my brainwaves changed a bit then settled back to the reading prior.  Then when she held my hand it changed briefly and settled by again.  His explanation was when my mother was holding my hand it was like we were one brain activity!  He checked us several times then when in and got his colleague and he tested us.  No one could quite believe the results.  They sent them off to New York City or something like that as I remember nothing really ever came of it.  But I am telling you its hard growing up with a Mother that knows what you are thinking at 16 and 17 years old!  Just remember what you were thinking at that age…

Now skip forward to today.  My Memphis family is about to have another addition!  My claimed sister’s oldest son and his wife are about to become parents.  It will be here in December and no one is more excited than DeeDee and PaPa.  So next year we will have one more mother in the family and one more chosen one to spend time with, how exciting is that.  Can you imagine the joy this child is in for?  You see the in laws live in town as well so this child’s feet will not hit the ground until it walks across the stage to get its high school diploma!!  Spoiled I think so.  The Mothers family is remarkable as well.  Sound and loving, sisters and children everywhere this child is in for a wonderful introduction to family and unconditional love.  Maybe if it is lucky it will have the relationship and special gift I had with my mom.  If so I know Mother and son/daughter will be closer than they can ever imagine.  I can’t explain the feeling I get when I remember being with my Mom it is special beyond words.  I pray for this pair to have that bond. 

Well as I sit here with damp eyes dreaming about go grocery shopping with my mother I will leave you to ponder your Mother.  Special wasn’t she?  Beautiful wasn’t she?  Loving wasn’t she?  If she is still here go kiss her, Call her, Email her reach out to her you will be better for it and she will love it!!!

Can you have Pork chops for lunch and dinner?????

Peace,

The Blessed Man

What If ?

Ever thought about what if?  What if I had taken a different path where would I be, and would it be worth losing what I have today.  I had a moment of that today.  Part of the Memphis family had a son graduate today, a fine young man who graduated from a high school where my son attended briefly.  Then he exercised his ability to make his own choices and moved to another state to live with his Mom.  Now this move saved a lot of things.  My sanity first and foremost, possibly my marriage, possibly his life, and a lot of hurt and pain I truly believe.  However sitting there watching the ceremony I couldn’t help but get a huge case of the what if’s. 

This is not a normal high school this is a school, with great regularity turn out bright and successful member of society.  These young men go on to be the leaders of tomorrow.  There are numerous graduates who are major parts of the community today. I know many of them and they are great men.  This is the school where my son learned to fence.  This is the school where it was revealed to me that he is talented as a writer beyond my belief.  This is a school where, what if he had stayed?  Am I willing to give up what and where I am today to see that result?  Now that’s the 64 million dollars question. 

Where I am; nearing the end of a wonderful career, on my way to Florida to slow down and enjoy the rest of my days.  So content with my wife and surroundings that in brief moments of pondering I start to cry.  Knowing that my claimed sister and her wonderful husband are coming there as well.  And others who mean the world to me are planning their arrival as well.  Truly I am at a very happy place.

What about my son?  What if he had stayed?  He had an offer to fence for a world renowned SEC school.  He would have when on and used his god given talents to become what?  Lawyer, Doctor, Writer. And there is where the rub comes.  Could we have weathered that storm that was raging out of control when he left our lives?  Could he have gotten himself under control to become a part of that school and a classmate to his other peers?  Or are we better off with the road traveled?  He has struggled mightily during the years since he left us.  He had many failed attempts and is still to this day experiencing hardship many of his classmates haven’t and hopefully will never.  But who is really the victor here.  My son?  He knows what failure is in the real world.  He knows hunger, pain, being broke, living from hand to month. Suffering the feeling of the world has lined up and the entire populous is out to get you and you alone.  Or is it the Classmates?  They, moving on the college are just now getting to see what the real world has to offer.  Will their education in a classroom trump my son’s school of hard knocks degree?  His father is the valedictorian of his graduating class of the school of hard knocks.  Would I go back and redo my life?  Go to college get a degree maybe miss the friends and loves I have had along this road.  HELL NO!!

Well then I guess I really have my sons answer as well.  I will keep the picture of him at a book signing people lined up around the corner and him and me sitting after the signing drinking a special bottle of wine and reflecting on his success.  I will hold on to the hope that like his dad he will find his way and become larger than life and a huge success.  And I feel like even if he does reach my expectation at least he will meet his and for that I am extremely proud of him.

So to our graduate of today; Good luck son.  Choose your steps wisely because you can’t go back.  Every decision, every choice, makes you who you will become.  And I look forward to seeing the next graduation you take part in, be it from an Ivy league college or the one my son and I are alumni’s of.  One thing for sure the choice is yours.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Allow

Think of all the meaning there is to this simple word. We can stand by as parents and allow our young children to fall or get into a bit of a scrape. And as for me, we then allow them a chance to get out of that situation and I believe they grow a little every time. We can also allow people into our special places; our hearts our minds. I have allowed my precious wife to totally take away my heart. I have slowing started allowing my son back into my life and am rather enjoying his changes of late. We can allow other to control the way we see things. This is what drives me back to this place. I have been in a rather bad place for a long time.

I have allowed others to steal my Joy, and my vision. I have for years loved and enjoyed sharing my feeling with really no one as no one really reads this. But, I allowed a circumstance to steal this joy from me. There is no doubt that no one will ever want to make a book / movie about the musings of a silly old man. However the simple joy that those musing bring to this simple old man is truly something that is special to him. So whatever you do whoever you are please do not allow anyone or anybody to steal your joy. So let’s agree to start allowing ourselves to be in control of our life’s and thoughts. And let’s also agree that even when we are at our lowest there is a special lesson to be learned from this circumstance. I have learned that I am at a huge transition point in my life. I am about to make some major changes.

I have found my nirvana. Yes, a place that brings me to such happiness that it is a feeling like none I have ever experienced before. The place is a simple place called The Villages. A place, where my claimed sister sits and openly weeps as she watches grandparents dance with their grand children. A place, where you can dance like no one is watching and love like you will never get hurt. This special place is a place where an old man dances around a square where his wife, of no telling how many years, is sitting in a wheelchair and looking lovingly into his eyes like she is 21 again and she is loving every minute. A place where when you try to clear the dance floor by asking how long you have been married it takes 65 years to be the winners. A place where everyone seems to understand that nothing really matters but friends and family. A place where every single person I have ever taken there falls in love with it in a matter of one evening on the square. A place where we have already made numerous friends and have enjoyed their company ever trip we return. My joy has returned!!!!

My post might be calmer now not as much stress, nothing but the joy from this day forward. The mostest bestest thing ever is my claimed sister and her husband have been looking for a place down there. Another couple we love is also looking for their dream place as well. Now if I could get my brother down there I might not ever write here again because I would be crazy busy playing golf, pickleball and just doing all of the things that are there. Last night my angel from heaven above and I when for a golf cart ride at 10:00. We just rode and talked and had a blast. What joy I had. I felt like we just met each other for the first time. I loved her more last night than I ever have. and all because of this place, this feeling, this atmosphere. I want that every day of my life. I am not so naive to think that everyone would love this place. However, this place is for me and my angel from heaven above. I am so blessed!!!

As the title to this blog, that was born years ago, I now totally understand. This is where I was headed for a long time. How blessed I am to have found my place. And then add the blessing that my Memphis family, well some of them, are considering making the move as well. Why would I ever let another steal my joy? So my dear friends, The Blessed man is back and so proud the have come out on the other side of this darkness.

Thanks to my baby girl as well for always being there in my darkest hours and always showing love and caring for this very cloudy and stressed guy. You know who I’m talking about!!! Love you


Peace,

The Blessed Man

Privilege

What a word. It means so many things in life. It can mean a benefit enjoyed only by a few and not all. It can mean a blessing of some sort you pick it. But today I got a firsthand experience that showed me I am privileged beyond my recognition.

So see I have a friend who can truly be said to have been privileged his entire life. He belongs to a family that has been deeply involved with the running of my city for generations. He is a Harvard graduate he owns one of the most successful businesses in our town and has been blessed in many ways. I have often caught an air about him and his family that I have felt a little like I was privileged to be allowed in the circle so to speak. It happened again today for me. I happened to be in his area and had something he wanted so I took it to his home. He was in the driveway overseeing some workers doing something or other. I drove up got my stuff and headed to his front door. He welcomed me as always with a firm hand shake how a sincere how are you, truly a gentleman of the highest regard. As I got to the front door I sat the things down and headed by outside he said no you can stand right here in the entry way!! I would have been comfortable in the outdoors with the carpenter’s. I have always felt his wife sees us a lower class of people. Anyway he gets what he needs and we speak a minute his wife never leaves the living room simply makes a small gesture from her safe distance. As I got back in my truck and headed to my house I was wondering what it was like to be a person of privilege. The more I thought about it the more I realized I was the person of privilege. You see he has lived his entire life trying to be a person to live up to his last name. What a curse! I, on the other hand, have lived my entire life trying to be the best person I knew how to be that’s it! So you see I have lived a privileged life. I unlike him have had scalawags as friends. I have been too drunk to fish! I have been in places his family and he would simply die if he had been there. And you know what I have had a blast. I have so many stories it would curl your hair. I am not saying he doesn’t have stories. I am just saying mine are truer to life as most of us know it. Wait a minute then if you go by the definition of privilege then who is the privileged.

Well I am going to say me! That’s my story and I am sticking to it. So it’s my hope as we all go through life that you have been privileged like me. I hope you know what it’s like to have so much fun it takes 3 days to recover. I hope you know what it’s like to watch your best friend get so wasted because some girl he is crazy for gives him the see ya later treatment. I hope you know what it’s like to simply enjoy your life. I am proud to have been privileged to live an unpretentious and inclusive life. I am not above or below anyone. What a privilege!!!

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Flop

What comes to mind when you hear the term flop? Is it that Chicken that was over cooked? That Indian dish you tried that was simply uneatable? Was it the time you tried to fix that disposal and ended up calling the plumber? It is a given it was a huge mistake.

Well tonight it was pointed out to me I have made the biggest mistake of my life which translates into the biggest flop of my life as well. You see my angel of a wife turns 60 tomorrow. Me, trying to make sure she has a good birthday was trying to keep her in the loop. I had one thing planned. We were going out. Then a friend said they wanted to have a nice dinner for a group at their house. So the plan was changed. Then the friend backed out and another friend stepped in. Now I fine out from my wife that the entire birthday is a flop because I was thinking she had to have input. Well I have learned a valuable lesson. She really wanted a nice surprise party with all of the bells and whistles. Even though she has told me from the very start of the birthday season that she would have no part of it. I have tried since we have been together to always have her best interest and her wants at the fore front of anything I did. I learned a huge lesson tonight I should have taken charge and done what I wanted to do the entire time. She would have been happy and all would have been well.

Do you have any idea the feeling that you feel when the person you love the most on the planet tells you that a special time in their life that you were in charge of is a complete flop? Let me tell you may you never hear those words. It is very hurtful. And the sad thing is if I would have simply not listened to her and done what I wanted to do everything would have been perfect. I wanted to have a party a special celebration with a friend who plays the saxophone like Kenny G. With all of our friends and made it a night to remember. She heard of it and put the brakes on it right away. Me, trying to please allowed it. Never again. It is far too late to salvage this event and sadly you only turn 60 one time. So I missed my chance. However I have learned a life lesson here. Pay no attention to what the other person wants when you are leading with your heart. Listen to your heart not reason. I sit hear writing this with a heart broken knowing it’s too late to make this right and the person that means the most to me in the world has told me I have failed her on a moment that I can never get back. If you learn anything from my experience listen to YOUR heart not theirs.

Well I am really not sure what tomorrow will bring. I know the most wonderful woman in the world turns 60. I know I have let her down. I know I never want to feel this way again.
Sleep will be tough this night. Please take my advice and never let the birthday girl plan her own event heart ache is all that will come of it. If you special someone is having a milestone event my advice; have a blow out like no one has ever had. It is much safer to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Peace,

The Blessed Man

Reunion

This one has taken me a while to get right in my head. Of all the posts I have written this one might be the hardest yet. You see, my loving Mother in Law has left the building. On September 11 she went to heaven, if you believe that, and I very much do. I miss her and my lovely wife misses her terribly. We have gone through and adjustment period and we are coming out the other side now I believe.

If you share my beliefs then you can only imagine the reunion on the other side. As I have written here Bobbie and I had numerous conversation about her past and all of the things she has seen change. Can you only imagine seeing the things she saw? From Horse and buggy, to electric cars, from letters to email, from over the fence and church on Sunday, to cell phones and laptops, from walking to flying half way around the world in a day. What must it have been like? I was at a friend’s house the other night and we were talking about the changes in our lifetimes and I still do not believe we will be close. They came from nothing to something. We are coming from something to something else. But I digress.

The welcoming committee must have been enormous when she walked in the door. All her brother and sisters, friends and family all gather around finally getting to see the one who was missing for so long; the one who really held them all together while on this earth. The joy must have been overwhelming.

I can safely say that she showed me how you are supposed to live. She never had an unkind word. She never complained even as her mind was fading she simply would ask the sweetest questions and when you answered her she would nine times out of ten say “My My”! Man do I miss those My My’s! She always acted as if she knew you and was so glad you came by to visit. A truer person I have never known. May the good lord let me exit as gracefully as she did, not treating my caretakers rudely always showing thanks and love.

At her funeral which was as special as she was, the last pastor to speak was one she had tutored as a young man. He stood and told stories about the systems and practices she put into place many years ago were being used all over the world in missions. I sat there thinking what have I done that has had that kind of impact. The answer Nothing! And the real thing was I am betting no one in that room but the pastor knew Bobbie had done it. She never blew her own horn. She humbly just went about her life trying to make everyone else’s better. What a woman….

Well I could write for days about her and all of the qualities she had that few in my life have displayed. But that would be an unfit end. The best ending is heaven. The two greatest women I know now can watch over me. My Mother and Bobbie…. My My………
Peace,

The Blessed Man