Aging

Well today is the day I no longer have a teenager! That’s correct my son turns 20 today. As I reflect back on the passed 20 years. The first thing I can say is they that have pasted, like posts on a picket fence at 75 M.P.H... I might add that they were not all joyous either. But then there are those moments that steal your breath away. The first time I looked him in the eye and he looked back and seemed, in my mind, to know me. The first time he said Daddy. The first time he left for school, and didn’t cry. The first time he scored on the basketball team. The day he was made an airman in the USAF. Place your on special moment in time in here anywhere.

Then there was the time he was sitting in the doorway and telling me he hated me and there was no doubt he meant it. That is the most hurtful moment in my life to this point and if you read this Blog you know I have lost both my parents, whom I loved dearly. The day I dropped him off at his Mom’s house to live for what I thought was forever. I cried all the way back home. Then the night he called me about wrecking his truck and almost killing a poor nurse on her way home from a long day at work. I will never forget how kind and understanding she was truly a gift from God. You can also place you hurtful time here as well.

I hung the phone up from him today and noticed his voice sounded different at 20. He was no longer a kid. I thought about this when he man Airman but he still had this twinge in his voice that made me think he still had a ways to go. Today that twinge was much harder to detect. We talked about how broke he is and how he isn’t sure how to make the ends meet. But he never once asked me to help just what did you do when you were like this? He told me his Mom told him about when we had the hard times and how I always made it. I thought she never noticed. We talked about the good times and the bad and a plan for him to make it till payday. I must admit I was a master at that exercise. We spoke of not going into debt aqnd just cutting bad on the Red Bulls and other BS he spends his money on. We agreed to disagree on a few things. I think that is the first time I have every not tried to impose my will on him!!

Wow looks like I might be aging as well.

Well Happy Birthday my boy your Dad loves you deeply.

Think I will go out to the cellar and pull a 1989 out and drink it in his honor.

Hug your kids they will be 20 before you know it, and if you are blessed they will be like mine.

Blessed

Funny how this word is in the name of the Blog yet I have never used it as a post subject. Well here we go. I go to church at Hope. The pastor there is a pretty cool guy who really seems to have a grip on what is important. Now before you stop reading I am not trying to convert you, it is important to the body of the post, but if you are looking there is always Hope! His name is, Craig Strickland, the current sermon series is about IT. What is it that really has a hold of you? Worry was last week topic. Well I did a little accessing and I am so blessed, I really have no worries. Have a good job in a good industry we are not recession proof, but we do ok in good times and bad. I work with more good people than bad. I have stated here numerous times have a stable of friends that no one deserves. My health seems to be OK I go for the annual finger wave and bloodletting on the 18th of February. So as I write this I am better than many people in this city.

What about you? I would imagine you could think of a lot of things to worry about. Someone I love very much once told me that worry is the opposite of faith, what a concept. I guess the gist of this post is to try to get everyone to look for the positive in all things we hear so much negative just turn of the news. They never lead with something positive. Like they say if it bleeds it leads. What if we just had one good story a newscast something that made you feel like there is hope for us all? You know a feel good story, maybe not a full fledged Oprah story but, something up lifting. I do not know if you watch it, but I try to never miss it, a show called Sunday Morning on CBS around 9am on Sunday morning, imagine that!! They always seem to find one story to make you feel good about either yourself or someone on the show.

So there you have it we are all blessed it is all about attitude. Maybe that will be the next word Attitude.

Well I am off to The Madison Hotel for a wine dinner. Like I said, I am blessed and I hope you are too.

, I am being chauffeured tonight so maybe a Jamieson and ice for the ride downtown nice and warming

NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE that would be stupid and that is another topic all together!!!

Fear

You would think that after 50+ years on this planet I would not be afraid of too much. I have a good job, stable marriage, and a overall blessed life. There is one subject where I tread fearfully, my son. I wonder if my father ever had fears about me or my decisions. Another time I wish he were here. Seems like the older my son gets the more fearful the choices get. As you all know he was an Air force Special Forces guy. Notice the word was in the previous sentence! He has decided he wants to be a corpsman/Medic. The Air Force doesn’t have those guys so he arranged for an honorable discharge from the Air force and has applied, and be accepted, for a school in San Antonio that will give him the credentials for a EMT. Then he will enlist into the Army and become a corpsman/Medic and be attached to an Army Ranger unit due to his prior service as an Air force special Ops service. Do you see anything in the over scenario to be fearful of? I don’t know, maybe the words Middle East might come up. Or American infidel I think is the term. He keeps telling me not to worry but I do.

I wonder if my Father ever worried about me. If he did he never showed it. It was always “your grown make you choice and deal with it.” I did, and I did. I wonder what it would have been like if he would have showed a little more concern. Would I have made all of those terrible choices? Like trading my 1966 Convertible Mustang for a 1955 Chevy that barley ran!!! Wow that could have been the biggest thing I ever messed up!! But Dad just sat on the couch in his underwear and called me the dumbest SOB he had ever seen. I was determined to make sure that Chevy was better than that old Mustang. I did in my mind, but never his. I realize now that as tough as it might have been for him to allow me to truly screw the pooch, it was the best thing for me. I try to allow my son this freedom but something always kicks in and I give my opinion or advice or in some way try to soften the blow or take away the lesson. I think I have hurt him more than helped him in some cases. I have a dear friend who refuses to allow their son to fall of experience any difficulty in life. I have spoken to them about this and have even when as far to inquire about how their father or Mother would have handle the situation to show them they are doing nothing but hurting this child. Child my ass the kid is 23 now, and clueless about life. I asked my friend what happens if you disappear. The family is well off and I am sure this child will be fine for the short term. However, what happens when the money runs out and they must make it on their own.

I am pretty sure mine can make it on his own. Not that he likes it but one thing I have going for me is he loves the freedom. He was thinking of returning home during this transition period. We spoke about it briefly. I told him he was welcome, but that our house rules would be back in affect. He said he understood and that was “cool”. Well low and behold about 2 weeks later there was a plan hatched where he could stay in San Antonio and make it just fine!!! Got to love it maybe my Dad would be proud, you think?

Well lord knows I love my family all of them. Well I guess after writing this and rereading it I really have nothing to fear but fear itself. My wife always tells me that fear is the opposite of faith. I like that. I will have faith the good Lord will watch after my son today, tomorrow, and forever. I feel better now.

Getting cold outside maybe a nice Scotch and a fire would be just the right thing. Got a new cooking magazine in the mail today plus, I need to lay out the garden for next year. Looks like I’m in for the evening. Hope you are as blessed as I am and always will to be.

New Years

As I sit here thinking about the next week and how in the world I am going to complete my business I am wondering what 2009 will bring. I have a very good friend who makes his living in a business filled with risk and he says “If you not risking you’re not in the game”. I am sure I am in the game but not too sure if I like it! I think I would just like to retire. My current business depends greatly on the last quarter of the year and as anyone knows, that is not a supplier; the last quarter of this year has sucked!!! Why is it people who are suppliers always think the economy has nothing to do with the sale of their product it is all tied to your performance!! CRAZY

Well as I look back at 2008 it really hasn’t been too bad for this blessed man. My son has entered another phase of his life. My lovely wife still loves me. This is as unexplainable as the Lady Bugs ability to predict the severity of the upcoming winter’s weather. If you do not know what that is you need to watch more science channel!! I have my health although my knees do give me fits at times.

2008 was not all good either. I lost my dear Mother, the woman who was there for me every time in my life I needed her. I lost a couple of very dear friends. Lamar Alexander the guy who showed me how to laugh and live care free. Uncle Johnny the guy who taught me what a wonderful thing lunch could be when you just talk, visit and remember the old days. When you reach my age you should savor every chance you have to be with family and friends. As I get ready for New Years Eve I will make a promise to myself to try to do just that!

I plan on bringing in 2009 with 27 of my closest friends!! What a wonderful time can see midnight already. I have done this for the past 5 years. Everyone kissing and telling each other how much they love one another. A scene one wishes could last forever but soon everyone gets their things and starts out trying to get home before the crazies get on the road. Thank the lord we all live within 3 miles of each other. I will be home around 12:15 and in bed by 12:30 if I am blessed. And tomorrow it is football and then Friday it starts all over again. I can’t wait until I can sleep late and then get up and not have anything to do except what I want to all day. I think deep down we all strive for that, even my friend who risks everything daily. He says he loves what he does but I bet deep down inside he would love to just take his dog out to his farm and goof off all day. I know I would…

Here is wishing you and yours the best year of your life in 2009.

Happy New Year and pass me the Rose Champagne!!!!

Character

My dad once told me to always have character, never be one. After spending 3 days with my young son I am wondering how to relay this life lesson to him. He has become addicted to the Television show called House. I watched this show the other night and now realize my son has serious mental issues! He has even gone as far as to get the cane this clown carries. If you have never seen the show here it is in a nutshell. This brilliant Doctor is the biggest asshole on the planet. He demeans everyone he comes into contact with, socially unacceptable and rude would be an understatement as a descriptor for Dr. House. This is a guy, who in real life, would get punched out at any social event he ever attended. My young son thinks he is Dr. House. He had the gall to look me in the eye at dinner the other night and tell me he was smarter than 85% of the people on earth! What an asshole right? Now he is and has always been a smart young man. 26 on the A.C.T. the first time he took it; graduated number one in his class in the Air Force Special Forces as well. But I think 85% is not even in the ballpark, if you get my drift. He has been tested, and has a very good I.Q. but better than 85% I just am not sure.

He answers questions now with these ridicules philosophical retorts. He tells me now that he should be happy, with which I agree. Then he finished the sentence, I cannot stand stupidity so I point it out at every occasion. What do you tell a kid like this? As I told him when we had this surreal conversation the other night you will die a lonely man my young son. He said he didn’t care as long as he didn’t have to put up with stupid people. WOW think about that statement as it applies to your life. What would it be like to not have to deal with someone you perceived as dumb? That person at the check out that doesn’t have the checkbook out until the clerk says how much the purchase is, the one who is talking on the cell phone when the red light changes and sits there until someone blows the horn at them then they get all pissed off! And I am sure you could insert several others. But really they are not stupid, they are not engaged, paying attention call it what you will but stupid I think not. They found the store didn’t they, they passed the driver’s test hopefully. They are simply not paying attention. I am sure you have never had the horn blown at you at a red light correct?

Well back to Dr. House. My son is a very talented writer. At his young age he already has written a novel! And I must to tell you a few friends have read it including a published author and he says it is rough but very good for a first attempt. So I think I am going to try to write him a letter and explain my point of view. I know talking only pisses me off. He goes in character and I lose him. Maybe if I take the opportunity to act away and make him read it I will open his eyes.

As my grandfather told me one time “Character is what you do when no one is looking.” So I am going to write my Character and see if I can’t open his eyes.

Well I am off to a friend’s house. Maybe some Short Ribs and red wine will make me feel better. Always remember have Character don’t be one!!!

Emotions

Why is it that your children have the ability to affect your emotions more than anyone else on earth? As I sit here writing this I truly believe I could do my son in! Now do not forget I haven’t seen him in months and he has been here two days. I am ready to do the world a favor if you get my drift! His mother a kind and gentle woman. His dad, me, not a bad guy I do not think. I have friends as you have read. I have feelings as you see here. I have charity for my fellow man. Where did this self centered, arrogant, full of $H!T person come from sitting on my couch? The sound of his voice sends me over the top. He feels like everything he does should be honored and treated as if he has just cured cancer. His treats everyone around him with such disrespect that it is a miracle he has not been beating within an inch of his life. He has this attitude that is truly beyond belief. Everything on the planet is here for him and the rest of us should line up and thank the heavens above we are allowed to share space with this gift to mankind!

Maybe I shouldn’t write when the emotions are so raw. The rereading the above it may sound a bit rough. However, I still think a fare assessment of him currently. I understand when you are Special Forces you should have a bit of an air about you. However, you should also have a bit of common sense as well. I feel like common sense is much more valuable in certain situations than other knowledge.

Back to the original questions; why can your kids hit your buttons quicker than anyone else? I have to guess it is because you have a expectation of them. You always want them to be better than you. You want them to have an easier way than you. You want to protect them from all of the things that hurt you or set you back years in getting where you wanted to go. But the good lord has installed some kind of firewall in them. It blocks anything that you tell them that makes any kind of sense. It sends it directly into the SPAM folder and they never get to hear what you have to say. What a shame.

I really miss my Dad right now. I would give 10 years off my life to be able to ask him some advice or get him to jog my memory of the times I did the exact same thing to him. Somehow you always forget the bad times in your memories. I promise you my Dad could, more than likely, tell me countless times I disappointed him or did the exact opposite thing he had told me to do. I swear I do not ever remember crossing my Father. Well there was once but that is another story completely!! He was so smart. I hope he knows I think so today. Will my son ever think I am? At this point I would be forced to say I think not; however I am sure my dad felt the same way.

Well this one might require scotch!! Anyway hugs your kids I think I am going to get up and go hug mine. Just real tight!!!!!

Prosperity

As I sit here we are getting ready to take Christmas to a family less fortunate than us. I am blessed to have many friends and most of them are successful in one way or another. Some have money others have blessing in other ways such as health happiness and the things that are truly important. As I sit here wondering what the next 3 hours holds, I am reminded of my blessing. I have a wife who loves me without question. I have a son; crazy as he is who loves me, and I think respects me. As posted before friends second to none.

So what is prosperity? Is it money? Is it Fame? Is it health, happiness? I think it has to be happiness. Here is my logic. As I think back to my younger and poorer days, I was, and have always been happy. When I was digging ditches back in the 70’s, I was happy. When I moved to an international company and traveled all over the world, I was happy. Now in my current job I am happy. Could it really be like my granny said “Life is what you make it?” When I would spend the summers in the country working on the farm I think I picked up the life lesson of happiness. We never had a T.V. or indoor plumbing, in the country, until the late 60’s. The A/C was open windows and a fan. I can still remember lying in the bed in the attic and hearing it rain on the tin roof. No sounds ever to this day calmed me like that one. Lying there listening to the rain you were so thankful. A couple of reason one you more than likely didn’t have to work in the fields the next day and it helped the crop. Never knew how go I had it until now. As I think back on those days of really no cares and worries you never know what you have until it’s gone.

So I guess prosperity is what you make it. For me, I think it is friends and being able and willing to help someone who might not have had a Christmas. Having in some small way maybe be able to make a memory and hopefully one day when these children are grown and prosperous they will help some who is down on their luck.

So I am off to be Santa. I can assure I will raise a glass when I return, in thanks for my Prosperity.